Whenever I come across articles discussing children’s eating habits, especially those that address picky eaters, I often see countless comments asserting, “In our home, our kids eat what’s served, or they don’t eat at all.” This is essentially the “eat it or starve” philosophy, frequently suggested as a solution to picky eating issues. As a mom to a selective eater, I’ve encountered this advice numerous times from well-meaning individuals eager to share their strategies for feeding children.
I appreciate the concept behind this approach. I completely agree that I shouldn’t have to whip up different meals for my picky eater. It can be frustrating to prepare a meal only for it to be rejected. Ideally, I’d love to cook one dinner for the family that everyone happily consumes. However, the reality is that this method often fails with true picky eaters. To be blunt, it’s quite unrealistic, and any parent familiar with a picky eater will confirm this.
Understanding Picky Eaters
First, it’s vital to clarify what constitutes a genuine picky eater. These are not just the typical toddlers who momentarily refuse anything outside the realm of bread and cereal. True picky eaters have often displayed their aversion to various foods from the very beginning of their solid food journey. Some may have even been difficult nursers or bottle feeders.
Picky eaters can react strongly to certain foods, often feeling physically repulsed by them. They frequently have specific preferences regarding what they are willing to eat, and many also experience sensory sensitivities that affect their food choices. Their list of acceptable foods tends to be short, and they rarely stray from it, at least until they grow older. For instance, my picky eater enjoys pizza, but it must be from a particular local pizzeria; he won’t even consider pizza from anywhere else, no matter how similar it appears.
People often try to introduce different pizzas to him, but he takes one bite and insists it’s entirely different from what he prefers. To him, they’re worlds apart. Picky eaters seem to be born that way. My son humorously claims he has a hundred times more taste buds than the average person.
A Tale of Two Eaters
I have two boys: one is a classic picky eater, while the other is a somewhat selective eater. My approach to feeding them was identical; I breastfed both for extended periods, introduced fruits and vegetables when they were ready for solids, and avoided processed foods for as long as possible.
When I first offered solid foods to my picky son, he reacted as if I had given him spoiled fish (it was actually a banana). Conversely, my second son devoured the avocado I provided in record time, asking for more.
I’ve tried every strategy imaginable with my picky eater. We encouraged him to sample new foods numerous times, believing it takes at least 15 tries for a child to form a genuine opinion. However, he usually made up his mind after the first taste, refusing to change his stance, no matter how many times we tried.
We even attempted the “eat it or starve” tactic, but he chose to skip meals instead, waiting for me to offer something he would eat (I could never send a hungry child to bed). With my non-picky eater, I can easily say, “Spaghetti and meatballs are for dinner. If you don’t like it, that’s fine,” and he usually resigns himself to eating it after a moment of contemplation.
In contrast, picky eaters are adamant about their preferences and won’t back down easily. If you haven’t navigated this daily challenge for multiple meals, please consider refraining from offering unsolicited advice. We genuinely don’t need more suggestions.
Acceptance and Progress
Don’t judge us as parents of picky eaters or assume we’re indulging our kids. It’s not a matter of spoiling them; they came into this world with these preferences. Most research suggests that many picky eaters outgrow their fussiness eventually, though it might not happen until they are older. Some will remain somewhat picky throughout their lives—many adults you know may fit that description.
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept my child’s pickiness more gracefully. Yes, there are times I prepare separate meals when I’m confident he won’t touch what I’ve made. I strive not to shame him for his food preferences, recognizing that he sometimes can’t help it and genuinely tries his best.
Things have improved naturally over time. At 9 ½, my son has become more open to trying new foods and is less rigid about his choices. He now enjoys pizza from several different places, even accepting my homemade version! While he still has preferences, it’s a step forward, and I’m incredibly proud of his progress.
Further Resources
For more information on navigating parenthood, check out this article from our other blog. Additionally, if you’re looking for resources on pregnancy and home insemination, this podcast from Cleveland Clinic is excellent. And for those considering self insemination, Cryobaby is an authority on the topic.
In summary, parenting a picky eater comes with its own set of challenges. While advice may come from good intentions, it’s crucial to recognize the unique needs of each child and support them in their own food journey.