Embracing Our True Selves: A Letter to My Children About Belonging

Hey there, my wonderful kids. It’s time for a little chat about something I think is super important. While I’m not claiming to have all the answers, I do have some life experiences that I’d love to share with you. Remember our dinner conversation the other night about friendships, fitting in, and popularity? That was a tough one for me, and I didn’t quite know how to express myself. After thinking about it for a few days, I feel like I have some insights that might help you.

I know that right now, being popular feels like it’s everything. Some days, it might even seem like the most important goal to achieve. You’re surrounded by classmates all day long, yet you can still feel lonely or out of place. Even though Dad and I always encourage you to be yourselves, I understand that it can feel like you need to pretend to be someone else—like the cooler kids or characters you see on TV.

Finding Comfort in Your True Self

Let’s take a moment to imagine your favorite cozy pants. You know how much I love wearing comfy clothes after a long day. Picture those fuzzy fleece pants, the soft shirt that feels just right, with no annoying tags. When you’re lounging at home, no one cares about how you look; it’s all about comfort.

Now, think of those comfy clothes as a symbol of your true self—your “real” self. I hope you feel at home where you can truly be yourselves, knowing you’re loved no matter what. In our home, you can let your guard down and be genuine.

The Pressure to Conform

When we step out into the world, we sometimes feel the need to dress up our outside selves. We’ve learned that even though sweatpants are comfy, we should put on nice outfits, maybe some jewelry, and even do our hair before heading out. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, it’s essential to remember that we often dress up our true selves too.

Some of this is necessary—like practicing good manners or making small talk to connect with others. But sometimes, we laugh at jokes that don’t amuse us or go along with things we don’t enjoy just to fit in. We might even make choices we know aren’t right, all for the sake of gaining approval. I’ve done this too, and occasionally still catch myself slipping into the habit.

The Importance of Authenticity

But here’s the catch: if you keep pretending for too long, it can become uncomfortable, like squeezing into jeans that are too tight. You might look good for a while, but eventually, you’ll feel stifled and long for the freedom of your cozy pants at home. It’s vital to listen to that discomfort. Your true self deserves to be honored and respected. She doesn’t want to be confined or altered to please others.

Showing your real self can be daunting, almost like walking into a store in your pajamas. You might worry about being judged or laughed at. However, when you’re brave enough to be authentic, you can inspire others to do the same. And let me tell you, while being popular might seem appealing, there’s nothing as fulfilling as having friends who accept you for who you truly are. Once you experience that authentic connection, you’ll never want to settle for anything less.

Many of those popular kids may have followers, but often, those followers only know a version of them—the one they choose to present. True love and friendship come from being genuinely known.