It’s 4 p.m., and I’m completely drained. Last night was a long one, spent comforting my feverish, coughing 3-year-old. Dinner is in the works, with a couple of dishes bubbling away on the stove. I have to keep a close eye on the broccoli or my oldest son will refuse to eat it again. Meanwhile, my little one has been in the bathroom for ages, and I know that soon I’ll be knee-deep in the messy business of potty training — all while trying to avoid burning dinner.
As I juggle it all, my phone buzzes with work emails, and my sister is texting me about weekend plans. Just then, my older son excitedly starts to share his latest video game obsession. But before I can engage, I hear my younger son coughing loudly from the bathroom, and panic sets in. Is it just a cold? Should I call the doctor?
My heart races, and I feel the familiar tightness in my chest. Anxiety — that uninvited guest — is back.
For those of us who struggle with anxiety, moments like this can be overwhelming. While everyone faces stress, anxious individuals often feel it more acutely. Our emotional defenses are thinner, and when life gets chaotic, we can easily crumble under the pressure.
As parents, we often have to push through, even when it feels impossible. Parenting is inherently stressful, filled with unpredictable challenges that can be downright terrifying at times.
During these chaotic moments, anxiety can seize control, leaving us little room to focus on self-care or to reach out for help. Thankfully, I don’t often experience full-blown anxiety attacks around my kids, but I’ve had my share of anxious moments while parenting. I make a conscious effort to shield them from what I’m feeling. However, when my anxiety overwhelms me, I sometimes have to pause and say, “Mommy needs a moment,” as I try to regain my composure.
Even on calmer days, there are instances when my mind wanders, consumed by worries or plans that feel urgent. I can’t help but wonder if my kids notice my distracted state and how it might affect them.
When I’m standing in the kitchen, the noise level rising around me, does my older son realize I’m not fully tuned in while he talks about video games? Does he think, “Mommy is just too busy,” or does he sense that I’m mentally elsewhere, caught up in a whirlwind of anxiety?
Have I inadvertently passed my anxious tendencies onto my children? Occasionally, I catch glimpses of worry in them, but I can’t tell if it’s just typical childhood concerns or if they’ve inherited my anxious traits. My mind spirals into overdrive, obsessing over how to keep them from feeling anxious and if there’s anything I can actually do about it.
In my heart, I often find myself apologizing to my kids for how my anxiety might influence their lives. Sometimes, I vocalize my feelings. “I’m sorry I can’t focus on your video game right now,” I tell my oldest. “I’m feeling really overwhelmed, like my brain is a computer with too many tabs open.” When he nods, seemingly amused by my analogy, I wonder if he truly accepts my apology. Will he remember me as a parent who was often distracted, lost in her own thoughts?
Anxiety can lead us to be overly harsh on ourselves, and it’s easy to forget that all parents want their children to feel safe and secure.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m working on practicing self-care, attending therapy, and exercising — strategies that help me keep anxiety manageable. Yet, I still feel guilt when my anxiety impacts my kids. I wish things could be different.
I’m learning to accept myself as I am, flaws and all, and to recognize that my deep concern for my children is part of what makes me a good parent. I sincerely hope they can see it that way too, and if not, I hope they can forgive me for my shortcomings.
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In summary, navigating parenting with anxiety is a daily challenge, but I’m committed to doing my best. I hope for understanding from my kids and strive to be the parent they need.