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You Showed Up. Here’s a Trophy!
My son’s desk boasts an impressive assortment of trophies, most of which he hasn’t truly earned. Well, maybe “impressive” is a bit excessive, as many children today have similar collections of awards, medals, and certificates simply for participating. By the end of his elementary years, my son had accumulated so many accolades that an outsider might presume he was the top contender in every sport.
However, my son wasn’t the star athlete. He even once asked his coach if he could sit out during practice because he found his uniform uncomfortable. During the community soccer tournament, he stumbled over the ball more times than I could count. Still, he has trophies that suggest he was an exceptional player.
While there are indeed children who excel and earn their accolades through hard work, it appears that many are receiving recognition merely for showing up. I wholeheartedly support building my son’s self-esteem, but I never mocked him when he struck out in baseball. Like any caring parent, I gave him that encouraging “You did your best” look, coupled with a gentle reminder that perhaps he didn’t inherit the most athletic genes from me.
It’s great to praise efforts, but if there were an award for unwarranted self-assurance, my son would take home the gold. However, the notion of handing out trophies solely for participation doesn’t align with my vision of fostering genuine confidence.
If your child didn’t earn that trophy, what purpose does it serve? Does it genuinely enhance their self-esteem, or does it convey that mediocrity is acceptable? Are we nurturing a generation that believes merit comes from merely existing? A colleague of mine in academia has actually received multiple emails from parents questioning why their exceptionally bright children didn’t receive A’s in her class. The answer? They simply didn’t earn them.
I want my son to understand that he cannot coast through life and expect to receive accolades, be it an A in school or a trophy for just being there. Life would certainly be easier if success was guaranteed just for showing up—imagine applying for a dream job and being handed the position without effort, or gaining acceptance into a prestigious graduate program simply because you filled out the application.
I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t support our children or encourage their participation in activities. Rather, when your child feels disappointed because a peer won first place while they received nothing, calmly explain that not everyone can win all the time. Although that shiny trophy may look enticing, earning one for merely being present does not inspire true success. My love for my son drives my desire for him to learn that hard work and dedication are essential to achieving his goals.
I certainly don’t want to be making calls to his professors at age 20, pleading for higher grades on his assignments. Instead, I hope he learns the value of effort and the satisfaction of earning his achievements.
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Summary:
Encouraging children with participation trophies may send the wrong message about effort and achievement. While it’s important to support and uplift them, it’s equally crucial to teach them that true success comes from hard work and dedication. Recognizing the difference between earning accolades and receiving them for mere attendance can foster a healthier understanding of self-worth and accomplishment.