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If You’re Unsure About Having Kids, Think Twice
It’s amusing how the experience of childbirth has suddenly made me a self-proclaimed guru on parenting and the joy it may bring. Of course, I’m joking. I’m no expert at all! However, I often find myself fielding the same question from friends who are contemplating the idea of having children: Is it really worth it?
Perhaps they turn to me because I share personal experiences and offer unsolicited advice. Maybe it’s because many of my friends are career-focused individuals who are considering motherhood later in life. Whatever the reason, I always find their reactions surprising when I share my perspective.
My honest answer? Probably not. Whatever “it” is.
I have always envisioned myself as a mother. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted this role. During the challenging years I spent trying to conceive, I often thought, “This can’t be right. I’m meant to be a mother; why isn’t this happening?” I’ve never felt more certain about anything else in my life, and there’s no logical explanation for that feeling.
We began our family planning in our early 30s, unaware it would take five long years before I would finally get pregnant. I welcomed my first child at 37 and my second at 40. I know that’s considered a late start, but I’ve never followed traditional paths. I didn’t have kids because it’s what society expected of me; I did it because I genuinely wanted to.
This is why my advice often takes people off guard. They see that I embrace motherhood and anticipate me to say something like, “It’s the best decision ever! The moment you give birth, you’ll understand this is your calling! Every sacrifice you make is absolutely worth it!” Instead, I generally respond, “If you’re truly uncertain, maybe you shouldn’t. You have a pretty amazing life right now, don’t you?”
Confusion and blank stares often greet my response. What’s wrong with enjoying the freedom of travel without worrying about childcare, sipping drinks in the daylight, or dedicating time to your career or hobbies? I know many single friends in their 40s who are quite content. Yes, some are unhappy, but I doubt that having a baby would resolve that.
I firmly believe that not every woman is inherently meant to be a mother. Just because you have a uterus doesn’t mean you must use it. Many couples fall prey to societal pressure that suggests they need children to feel complete. But that’s simply not true.
Moreover, that line of thinking isn’t beneficial for humanity. The world is overpopulated, and we lack the resources to support the demand for all these new lives. Right now, there’s no pressing biological need to procreate. We’re all set on that front!
Let’s face it: parenthood is challenging. It involves countless sacrifices, and you need to be genuinely prepared. Each time I mention this, someone inevitably takes offense, claiming that it’s not that hard. They’re deluding themselves. Yes, it can be wonderful, but it is indeed tough.
The biggest issue is that the questions we grapple with when deciding whether to start a family are impossible to answer definitively. Why should I have a child? Will having kids make me more selfless or reveal my selfishness? How will it transform my life? Nobody can provide clear answers. If they claim to, they’re probably not being honest.
That’s why I say what I do: If you’re uncertain about having children, then don’t rush into it. My own deep desire for kids is what sustains me through the tough moments of parenthood. Without that conviction, I wonder how fulfilled I’d truly be.
I know there are plenty of people who were unsure about parenting but found immense joy after becoming parents. Even so, I believe a degree of certainty is essential when making such a monumental decision. You’re bringing a new life into the world; it’s a choice you should at least feel somewhat confident about, right?
Then, once you become a parent, you’ll realize that certainty is a fleeting concept. For more insights on this topic, check out this informative post. If you’re considering the journey to parenthood, Make a Mom has great resources too. And for guidance on pregnancy, the CDC is an excellent resource to explore.
In summary, deciding whether to have kids is deeply personal and complex. If you’re on the fence, take the time to reflect on your desires and circumstances before making a commitment.