Dear America, let’s have a chat about the names we’re giving our children. Seriously, it’s time to rethink some of these choices. Recently, it came to my attention that Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps named his son “Boomer.” Honestly, that sounds more like a nickname for a toy than a person. Imagine introducing him in various situations:
“This is my son, Boomer.”
“Boomer, come here!”
“This is my dad, Boomer.”
“Okay, Boomer, time for your adult diaper change!”
“Here, Boomer! Fetch!”
Doesn’t quite work, right? It’s not just a poor choice for a baby; it barely holds up as a dog name! Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident. Many parents are opting for names that just don’t pass the baby name test. Whether it’s Paisley (a type of fabric, not a child), Kattelynn, or anything with an extra “y” thrown in for flair, these names often miss the mark.
We need guidelines similar to those in some European countries when it comes to baby names. Sure, unique names can be lovely, like Persephone or Xanthippe, but “unique” shouldn’t equate to “bizarre.” Take the name “Blade,” for instance. It suggests that his parents were probably deep into Dungeons & Dragons or maybe overdid it watching sci-fi movies. Just don’t go for names like “Ender” either – spare the child the burden of their parents’ questionable fandom choices.
Some parents may argue, “It’s their choice what to name their child; who are we to judge?” Well, we’re the ones who have to pronounce those names or, let’s be real, try not to giggle when saying them. This is America, and judging names is part of the experience.
So, what names should we avoid? Here’s a quick guide:
- Names Better Suited for Pets: If you can shout it out for your dog to come running, it probably isn’t fit for a child. Think “Boomer,” “Fido,” or “Brownie.”
- Pompous Literary References: While I appreciate a good book, Atticus is not an ideal name for a child. Similar names like Kerouac, Moby, or Thermopylae are just pretentious.
- Overly Fantastical Names: Your daughter is not a Khaleesi, and your son should not be named after a character from Game of Thrones. Let’s keep the fantasy world separate from real life.
- Names with Extra Letters: Adding a “y” to every name doesn’t make it special. Kaytlynn and similar variants will only lead to confusion for your child.
- Names Starting with “X”: Sorry, but names like Xanthia or Xeraphina are not trendy anymore.
- Whimsical Nature Names: If you’re thinking about names like Pixie, Fairy, or Nixie, please reconsider. Your child doesn’t need to carry the weight of your whimsical choices.
- Place Names: If you’ve never been to Dakota or Montana, why name your child after it? It’s better to leave geographic names to nature.
Remember, when you choose an outlandish name for your child, it’s them who will bear the consequences of your decision. You don’t have to stick with traditional names like Elizabeth or Christopher—there are plenty of unique but appropriate choices out there.
In years to come, we might find ourselves in nursing homes filled with “Boomers” and “Paisleys,” and we’ll all be left wondering what happened.
For more parenting tips and insights, don’t forget to check out this blog post on home insemination. Additionally, if you’re considering self-insemination, Cryobaby’s home insemination kit is a great resource. For a deeper dive into pregnancy, visit this excellent resource from the NIH on pregnancy.
Summary
The trend of giving children unusual names is becoming increasingly common, but many of these names fail to stand the test of practicality and social acceptance. Parents are encouraged to carefully consider the implications of their naming choices, opting for names that will serve their children well throughout their lives.