I stumbled upon a post on social media, as is often the case these days. It was from a long-lost acquaintance, someone who had immersed himself in marathons and motivational speaking. I should’ve anticipated the tone, but it still felt like a jolt: He shared the name of their newborn, exclaiming, “[Wife] absolutely rocked it!” alongside a picture of a serene birthing center known for its drug-free, tranquil environment. The follow-up image showed his wife looking radiant in full makeup with their baby dressed in adorable attire, captioned “About an hour later!”
An unidentifiable frustration bubbled within me, prompting a quick response: “Congrats! Can’t believe she had time for makeup and a dressed baby an hour post-birth!” His reply was, “This pic was more like 90 minutes.”
Of course, I know social media often portrays an idealized version of reality. That perfectly styled picture with ruffles and makeup wasn’t the whole truth. It took me a moment to pinpoint my discomfort. Sure, dress your baby in lace right after birth and apply a full face of makeup if you wish. The hippie in me might argue you’re missing out on valuable bonding time, but that wasn’t my main concern. What truly irked me was the term “rocked,” especially when used to describe a natural birth. You don’t “rock” a natural birth; it’s not a competition.
The language of “crushing” implies a competitive spirit. You crush a rival, not a natural process like birth. By framing it this way, one suggests that if you can “conquer” birth, then it can also defeat you. My friend’s wife may have had a beautiful experience, but what if she had asked for pain relief, cried out, or expressed a desire to stop? These reactions are common during childbirth; it’s no walk in the park. If you “rock” natural childbirth, does that imply you experienced none of these intense emotions?
Moreover, if “rocking” it implies superiority, what about those who needed medical intervention? All childbirth is natural; it’s the process of bringing a new life into the world, regardless of how it happens. If one opts for medication, is her experience somehow diminished? If a C-section is necessary, does that mean she didn’t “rock” it? (Let’s be realistic: no one is applying makeup after an intense labor that requires stitches!)
The moment we frame childbirth as a competition, we inadvertently pit mothers against one another. What about those whose newborns require NICU care? Or mothers who had medically-indicated inductions due to conditions like gestational diabetes? Or those who gave birth at home, yet felt overwhelmed during labor? Did they fail in their journeys?
As for me, my experience involved a transfer from a birthing center because I was too exhausted and ill to continue without medical help. Upon arriving at the hospital, I learned I was severely dehydrated due to relentless vomiting. I received an epidural and finally got some much-needed rest after two sleepless days. After three hours of pushing, I welcomed a healthy, loud baby boy, but it was no easy feat. It was both grueling and beautiful.
Did I “rock” birth? I refuse to accept that my experience was any less significant than someone else’s traditional natural birth. No one should feel less capable or brave because of how their childbirth unfolded.
Labor is a wild ride. We emerge from it, sweat-soaked and trembling. When we begin to frame childbirth in terms of victory and defeat, we undermine the shared experience of motherhood. Let’s leave the competitive spirit out of the delivery room.
We can shift our language to be more supportive. Instead of saying someone “crushed” it, we can celebrate that they had a wonderful birth experience or worked hard. They brought a baby into the world, which is the real achievement. It’s not about receiving accolades for declining pain relief.
At the end of the day, we all share the same goal: bringing a new life into the world. Whether through a C-section, a home birth, or an unmedicated labor, every mother’s experience is valid and worthy of respect. Each birthing journey is unique, and none is superior to another.
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Summary
The narrative surrounding childbirth often uses competitive language, which can create divisions among mothers. Instead of framing birth as a challenge to be “crushed,” we should celebrate each woman’s unique experience. Every route to motherhood is valid, and true success lies in bringing a healthy baby into the world, regardless of how that happens.