Updated: Sep. 22, 2023
Originally Published: November 6, 2016
My son has a girlfriend! They met at a home-school gathering, and I noticed them having fun together. When I asked him her name, he said “L,” which is significant because he usually doesn’t bother to learn the names of his peers. I suspect he has friends he’s known for ages yet can only describe as “the boy with the blue backpack” or “the girl who loves dinosaurs.”
Curious, I reached out to L’s mom, who turned out to be quite an awesome person. “And L has a bike just like mine!” my son, Jake, exclaimed as he dashed past me. This sparked a conversation between L’s mom and me about our shared love for cycling. As it turns out, Jake and L not only enjoy each other’s company, but they also share similar interests like certain quirky TV shows (the latest cartoon series, a secret agent show, and Doctor Who). They’re both gluten-intolerant and even believe in Bigfoot. It feels like a perfect match!
Jake proposed to L while they were out biking together. They haven’t set a wedding date yet—Jake wants it to be soon while L prefers to wait—but “…she totally said ‘yes,’ Mom,” he insists.
Just to clarify, Jake is 6, and so is L.
I’ve always had mixed feelings about childhood romances. I worried it might contribute to the premature sexualization of kids. After all, if they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, what comes next? I remember how jealous we were when my cousin kissed a boy in kindergarten. I never got to kiss my preschool crush, but I certainly wanted to. While I know their interactions are innocent—no one is smooching under the jungle gym—it still made me uneasy. I didn’t want my son thinking he could kiss anyone outside of our family.
Honestly, I believed they should devote their imaginations to other activities. Kids should be outside playing, pretending to be superheroes, or riding bikes, not pondering wedding plans—though Jake did propose while they were out exploring without adults around. (And to clarify for the concerned: Adults were nearby, and everyone was wearing life jackets, so safety was ensured.) I preferred that Jake focus on imaginative play rather than planning their future together. (He thinks they should tie the knot at 8; she thinks maybe in college.)
I also felt a little uneasy about young kids labeling themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend. It seemed to suggest that girls’ aspirations should include getting married and having kids, which I definitely didn’t want for my son or for L. I felt responsible to prevent that kind of thinking from taking root.
But then I observed their interactions. Jake and L spend their time playing games, solving mysteries, and having fun in the toy kitchen. I’ve only seen them engage in a few friendly gestures, like taking pictures of each other with their moms’ phones and slowly biking down the trail together. They splash each other and chat, but there’s no talk of babies or wedding bells. They simply adopted the term “boyfriend and girlfriend” because it mirrored what they’ve seen in adults.
If you ask Jake, he’ll tell you that L is his best friend, and I’ve heard her say the same about him. The future marriage idea is just a whimsical add-on. I don’t think he’s imposing any traditional norms on L. They don’t kiss, although Jake does enjoy holding hands with everyone. I doubt they’ll be sneaking off for secret kisses anytime soon.
And that’s the kind of childhood relationship I can wholeheartedly support.
For more on parenting and navigating these early experiences, check out this insightful piece on fertility treatments. If you’re curious about home insemination, you can read more about it at this blog or learn from the experts at Make a Mom.
Summary:
This article discusses a mother’s perspective on her 6-year-old son’s innocent friendship with a girl named L. Initially concerned about the implications of childhood romances, she observes that their interactions are simply playful and innocent. Through shared interests and imaginative play, Jake and L maintain a friendship that doesn’t conform to traditional expectations of young relationships.