As I sat in my daughter Lily’s room, trying to assist her with her homework, I quickly realized the struggle we were both in. It’s often a challenging experience. Whenever she encounters a concept that’s difficult to grasp, even the simplest math problems can send her into a tailspin of frustration.
During our math session, we tackled basic tasks—like rounding numbers and using number lines. However, it wasn’t long before Lily clenched her fists in frustration, pounding her worksheet. A few moments later, she retreated to the corner of her room, burying her head in her knees. “You’re making it harder,” she exclaimed as I attempted to clarify the instructions, or “I just can’t do it!” She often labels the assignments as stupid and infuriating, which stems from her anxiety around schoolwork.
Unlike her older brother, who tends to procrastinate but hardly expresses his emotions, Lily’s anxiety manifests in tangible ways. While he might avoid tasks, he doesn’t react with anger or despair. Each child presents unique challenges, and right now, Lily’s academic journey is the most pressing one.
As we worked through a problem involving dimes and pennies, I coaxed her out of the corner with some candy coins from the pantry. We often use treats to make learning feel more engaging. It’s a small trick that helps, but the real challenge lies in supporting her through the tough moments. Each time she gets frustrated, I feel the urge to shout in frustration. I want her to push through, to let me help her, but for anxious students like Lily, seeking assistance often feels like admitting defeat. She believes she should manage it alone, even when that isn’t realistic.
One of the critical lessons I’ve learned is that reassurance is vital. I consistently remind her that it’s perfectly okay to ask for help. I want her to understand that I’m here for her, but sometimes, after a long day, it’s hard to stay calm. The desire to hurry through dinner and get to bedtime can be overwhelming.
Yet, I’ve found that expressing frustration only amplifies her anxiety. When I react negatively, she sinks deeper into despair, curling up tighter and crying harder. While there is much debate about the value of homework in elementary education, I appreciate that it provides an opportunity for her to confront her challenges. I believe that through these experiences, she is developing essential coping skills for the classroom.
I acknowledge how challenging it can be to support Lily in her learning journey. While I have great respect for her teachers, I know I will always strive harder to help her succeed. As I learn what techniques work, I also share this information with her teachers, as fostering collaboration is invaluable.
My approach is to keep a positive atmosphere during our study sessions. I strive to make learning enjoyable and encourage her continually. I want her to know that no matter how tough it gets, I’m by her side, ready to support her as her father. That’s what we do as parents: we love and care for our children, even in their most challenging moments.
After nearly an hour—much longer than it should have taken—we finally completed the worksheet. Seemingly exhausted, Lily let out a big sigh of relief, similar to finishing a difficult race. She hugged me and called me a “good daddy.” Those small gestures remind me that I’m on the right path, even when frustration looms large in parenting.
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In summary, being a parent to an anxious learner like Lily involves patience, understanding, and support. While the journey can be filled with difficulties, each small victory is a reminder of the significance of our role in nurturing our children’s growth.