Dear Wild and Frizzy Hair,
I get it; you’re stuck in the middle of straight and curly, and it’s a confusing place to be. But after all the care I’ve given you over the years, it’s high time you cut me some slack and start cooperating. Honestly, can you just choose a lane? Straight or curly would be ideal, but I’d even settle for those effortlessly beautiful beach waves that, let’s be real, are anything but low-maintenance.
I’m all for a little kink in my life, but not when it comes to my hair. I apologize for all the dyeing, teasing, and mishandling in the past—can we move past that? I’ve been treating you with kindness lately, right?
I’ve tried every organic oil under the sun—coconut, Moroccan, avocado—but you seem to disregard them all. Flyaways have a knack for breaking through, no matter how much I slather on. I’ve wielded every straightener, curling iron, and anti-frizz product known to humankind. I’ve even indulged in those miracle lotions that promise to transform you. The only miracle I’ve seen is an excuse to linger in a hot shower, daydreaming about how fabulous you’d look cascading over my shoulders as I walk into Target, the wind catching you just right.
But alas, you remain a stubborn non-cooperator and apparently have a strong aversion to expensive products. I know you can be silky smooth—I’ve seen the potential after a blowout that leaves my arms feeling like jelly. However, that luster lasts about five minutes before you morph back into a chaotic, traffic cone-shaped Brillo pad the second I step outside.
I know I shouldn’t even bother when it’s misty, rainy, or humid, yet I keep trying. You keep giving me attitude, which is frustrating. And let’s not even discuss the finger-combing method that’s supposed to work wonders. It only makes me look like I’ve had a wild night—definitely not the vibe I’m aiming for.
I would love to swim without emerging from the water looking like a Muppet. No hat is big enough to contain this madness! And if I forget to have a hair tie on my wrist, I’m ready to pack it up and head home.
I’ve slept with rollers larger than soda cans and tried the dry shampoo, the no-shampoo method, and even pomade. The rare moments when you do look decent? No one is around to witness it. Like last week when I was sick at home; you were looking fabulous. Why can’t you show up like that for a night out with friends or even a simple trip to the grocery store?
The burns on my neck are trophies from my curling wand, which I thought would create those gorgeous beachy waves. “It hurts to be beautiful” is no joke! You’d think my high-end hair dryer with its cool setting and massive diffuser would do the trick, but nope, you remain indifferent to my gentle approach.
Sometimes I feel like I’m out of patience with you. You are exhausting and require so much effort, yet I can’t seem to give up. So please, I beg you, settle down. You don’t need to be unruly all the time—you’re not pubic hair!
Are you trying to reflect my chaotic life? Because you’re doing a fantastic job. Every time I glance in a mirror or snap a quick selfie, I am reminded of the disorder surrounding me. I just wish people would think I had my life together if I could tame you a bit.
So until we can embrace a more manageable hairstyle, I’ll be waiting for the trend of “just shocked by an electric fence” to come back in style. But honestly, after four decades, it seems like that’s not going to happen. Let’s work together here!
Yours Truly,
Lily with the Wild Hair
If you’re interested in more insights on home insemination, check out this article for helpful tips and advice. Also, you might find these fertility supplements helpful, as they are an authority on the topic. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, visit this excellent resource.
Summary:
In a lighthearted letter, Lily expresses her frustrations with her frizzy, unruly hair, reminiscing about her attempts to manage it despite its stubbornness. She humorously recounts her experiences with various hair products and techniques, lamenting the chaos that her hair reflects in her life. Ultimately, she hopes for a more cooperative relationship with her hair in the future.