Recently, I came across a heartbreaking post on social media featuring a woman’s face partially covered in bandages, her eyes and cheeks bruised and swollen. She belongs to a private online writing community I’m part of, and she shared her story in that safe space. Her ex-partner—whom she had left due to his abusive behavior—had broken into her home and assaulted her. Tragically, she is one of countless women who have been violently harmed by someone who claimed to love and protect them. Like many others, she is feeling scared and lost, and her experience is both shocking and all too familiar.
While I’ve never faced such violence or fear from a partner, I can’t begin to comprehend the tumult of emotions—confusion, fear, and unwarranted shame—that survivors of abuse endure. I can’t share a personal connection, and I certainly don’t wish to have such experiences. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t be of support.
Seeing her painful image propelled me to read narratives of domestic abuse survivors. I encountered numerous accounts of women who concealed their injuries, rationalized their partner’s abusive actions, and genuinely feared for their lives during moments of rage. Many abusers manipulate their partners, making them feel responsible for the violence, often offering hollow apologies and promises that it won’t happen again.
Through this exploration, I aimed to understand the experiences of those who have suffered rather than the perpetrators. I recognize that many women find themselves in abusive relationships unexpectedly, often not realizing the gradual escalation of control and violence. It’s not as simple as saying, “I would leave if he ever hit me.” Smart, capable women can find themselves trapped in unhealthy situations, unsure of how to escape. Abuse can manifest in words just as much as it does in physical acts.
The Alarming Statistics
The statistics surrounding domestic violence are alarming. In the United States, one in four women will experience severe violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime—1 in 4. This means many of us know women who have been or are currently in abusive relationships, often without realizing it. I wish I could make these statistics vanish, but that’s beyond my power.
What I can do is offer support to those entangled in harmful relationships. I want to be a safe haven for anyone feeling lost amid chaos, shame, and fear. I will believe you when you share your fears or feelings of unsafety. I will tell you, as many times as you need to hear it, that it’s not your fault, that his blame is unjust, and that nothing you did justifies the pain inflicted upon you. I am here to help connect you with the resources you need.
I will provide both physical and emotional safety without judgment. I won’t question why you stayed or why it took you time to seek help. I understand that emotional manipulation is a significant part of both verbal and physical abuse, and asking such questions can reinforce feelings of guilt or shame. I also won’t ask why he reacted so violently, as I know you’ve pondered that countless times without finding a reasonable answer. Furthermore, I won’t question how you can love someone who brings you pain, as love often defies logic.
What Love Should Be
But let me be clear—if someone truly loves you, they should never hurt you. You deserve to live without fear, and you should never feel that your body or heart can be violated. I will stand by you in navigating the process of seeking help, providing strength and support every step of the way.
Please, if you are in a situation where you don’t feel entirely safe, reach out to someone—be it a friend, a stranger, or me. Don’t let the fear of being misunderstood keep you silent. You are not alone, and you should never feel ashamed for finding yourself in this situation. Those words are not just empty; they are a truth your heart needs to hear.
If you need a secure place to turn, consider visiting www.domesticshelters.org. You do not have to remain in an abusive relationship; you owe nothing to someone who harms you. There’s no judgment here—only support and understanding.
Please, reach out. You are not alone, and you have the strength to reclaim your safety.
In Summary
If you or someone you know is facing domestic violence, it’s crucial to speak out. Seek help from trusted friends or professionals and remember that you are not alone in this journey.