Motherhood is a whirlwind of emotions—joy, love, frustration, and anxiety blend together like a chaotic masterpiece. Just like a Jackson Pollock painting, it can be tough to decipher our feelings, let alone our thoughts.
Beyond the emotional rollercoaster, motherhood often taps into our instincts. We may struggle to explain our strong preferences for attachment parenting or co-sleeping, but deep down, we know what we feel. One of the most powerful instincts we possess is the urge to protect our children. This fierce energy, often referred to as our inner Mama Bear, can ignite sudden urges of protectiveness, fear, and frustration. We don’t care who or what has upset our child; we spring into action, ready to defend them at all costs. When we become Mama Bear, we roar.
I experienced my first taste of this mama bear instinct when another parent reprimanded my son for an incident on the kindergarten playground. Sure, my son was at fault, but in that moment, my emotions took over, and I felt anger toward both the other parent and her “perfect” child. Logic was out the window. I felt a mix of embarrassment over my son’s behavior and outrage at being judged. My thoughts spiraled, convincing me I was failing as a parent while seeing the other mother as a classic example of overprotectiveness. In my mind, my son’s actions meant he was destined for trouble.
I wanted to swoop in and resolve the situation—not just fix it, but erase it entirely. But who was I really looking to confront? Mama Bear can be fierce, but sometimes she needs a reality check.
There’s likely a biological or evolutionary cause behind this surge of protective instincts. Still, it seems to be amplified in our current era of helicopter parenting and social media scrutiny. Parents often feel justified in calling out any misbehavior, no matter how trivial, under the guise of “looking out for my child.” But let’s be real: that kind of behavior can be problematic.
The truth is, kids will mess up. They’re kids! They make mistakes, and so do we as parents. So rather than launching into defense mode to shield our little ones, what if we gave others a break? Could we empower our children to handle conflicts on their own instead of rushing in to save them? What if we recognized that our “perfect” child might have played a part in the situation? What if we simply accepted that growing up involves navigating disagreements?
Reflecting on that day five years ago, I remember how fiercely I defended my son against the reprimanding mother. I was furious that she spoke to him that way and anxious about what it meant for my parenting. But ultimately, he was just a child who made a mistake, learned from it, and moved on.
While the instinct to protect is natural, it doesn’t mean we should act on every impulse. So take a breath, Mama Bears. The kids are going to be just fine.
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Summary
Motherhood is a complex tapestry of emotions and instincts, particularly the fierce protectiveness often embodied by the “Mama Bear.” While it’s natural to want to shield our children from harm, it’s essential to remember that kids make mistakes and that we can empower them to handle conflicts. Instead of rushing to defend them, we should take a step back and recognize that growing up involves challenges.