It only took a forgotten toothbrush to bring me to tears. Here I am, parked in a lot, overwhelmed with emotion. I had him for just two and a half weeks, yet those days and nights were filled with joy. He learned to smile, to sleep soundly instead of waking in fear, and to swing for hours on playground equipment my own children take for granted. He called me “mom,” and I reassured him every time I left that I would always return. I did my best to prepare him for his new home, but now it’s nap time, and his new mom tells me he misses me. I sent her a photo, hoping to comfort him and help him drift into sleep.
When I share my experience as a foster parent, the most common response I get is, “I could never do it. I’d get too attached.” Trust me, I understand. I form attachments too. I was the one who could soothe him to sleep, and I knew his favorite jam. I took care of him during tough times and felt the pangs of frustration when accidents happened. Watching him sleep filled my heart with love.
To those who worry about getting “too attached” to children who may leave, I say this: attachment is inevitable. Every single time. I often wonder where they are now; they visit me in dreams, leaving me with tear-streaked cheeks upon waking. The pain of missing them can be overwhelming. But you know what I cherish even more? The knowledge that these precious children experienced my love, rather than never knowing it at all. I would willingly carry their pain in my adult heart if it meant they had less to bear in their small, sad hearts. I can handle that weight; they shouldn’t have to.
It’s simply unacceptable for an eight-year-old who has witnessed unimaginable trauma to not feel the love of a caring stranger. It’s heartbreaking for a two-year-old to spend days in a social worker’s office, dirty and alone, simply because I’m afraid of growing too attached. But I do get attached. I always will. And that bond has been the most rewarding experience of my life. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
In summary, becoming too attached to foster children is a natural and beautiful part of the experience. The love shared, even for a short time, is a gift that both the caregiver and the child cherish. It’s a journey filled with emotional highs and lows, but ultimately, it’s about providing love and care, which every child deserves.