Living with panic attacks for the past five years has been a challenging journey for me. I’ve experienced so many that I’ve lost count; the memories of my worst episodes linger like vivid nightmares. Whether it was during a quiet evening house-sitting for a friend or the many occurrences in my college dorm, those moments are etched in my mind.
When panic strikes, I often encounter the typical symptoms that many are familiar with—those that appear in a quick online search for “What is a panic attack?” You know the ones: a racing heartbeat that feels like a bird trapped in my chest, clammy hands, nausea, and uncontrollable shaking. These physical manifestations of panic are terrifying, and chances are, most people can relate to experiencing something similar at least once in their lives.
However, panic attacks are far more complex than just a sudden surge of anxiety or a moment of fright when someone surprises you. They can be incredibly traumatic and often recur. What many don’t realize is that the psychological aspects can be even more daunting than the physical sensations. Two particular symptoms that seldom get discussed in relation to panic disorder are derealization and depersonalization.
Derealization
Derealization is a term that describes the feeling of being disconnected from your surroundings. During my panic attacks, everything I see can suddenly feel strange and unfamiliar. I could be in my own room, surrounded by familiar items like my cat or my favorite chair, yet it’s as if I’ve been transported to another world. The objects around me may appear foggy, adding to the confusion. This detachment is unnerving, leaving me grappling to find something solid to hold onto. Even the people I love can feel like strangers during these episodes, which makes the idea of traveling to new places terrifying. Although I adore exploring, the fear of losing my grip on reality can hold me back.
Depersonalization
On the other hand, depersonalization offers a different experience. It’s like an out-of-body sensation where I feel removed from myself, as if I’m observing my life from a distance. In those moments, I struggle to connect with what truly matters to me, merely going through the motions of life without a sense of purpose. Panic attacks can leave me drained and searching for reminders of who I am, making it feel like a quest to regain my identity.
For me, derealization and depersonalization are among the most frightening sensations because they stem from my mind rather than my body. These invisible symptoms can amplify feelings of losing control and going “crazy.” At times, I even feel as if I carry the weight of the world’s problems on my shoulders, influenced by the distressing news I consume daily. Such thoughts can spiral into a relentless cycle of panic, making it difficult to find relief.
I wish more people understood that panic attacks encompass more than just a racing heart. They are not merely an extension of that startled feeling when someone unexpectedly frightens you. Sometimes, the answer isn’t as simple as taking deep breaths; it may involve desperately clinging to what feels real and familiar. Waiting for the sensations to pass, while trying to remain calm, is often the best approach—even when every instinct urges me to scream or cry.
During a panic attack, the body reacts instinctively to fear, which can mean disconnecting from reality for a brief period. I find comfort in reminding myself that this response is normal, helping me feel more in control. Panic attacks can be a delicate balance between reality and illusion. While derealization and depersonalization are indeed frightening, I know they will eventually fade, and I will return to myself and those I care about.
Experiencing panic attacks can feel like embarking on a long, treacherous journey back to normalcy. Although I may feel “crazy” and out of control for a while, I try to remember that there is a finish line waiting for me when my heart races.
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Summary
Panic attacks are complex experiences characterized not only by physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat and shaking but also by psychological phenomena such as derealization and depersonalization. Understanding these lesser-discussed aspects can help in managing panic attacks more effectively. While the journey through panic can feel overwhelming, it’s essential to remember that these sensations will eventually pass, allowing for a return to normalcy.