Parenting
By Jessica Lane
I may not be competing for any awards, but I’m pretty convinced I’m raising the most obstinate child on the planet. This little one refuses to accept being wrong, won’t accept “no” as an answer, and is determined to argue every single point—whether or not it even makes sense. This endless debate can go on until you’re left questioning your own stance and wondering if maybe, just maybe, he might actually be right.
A Glimpse into Our Morning Routine
For a glimpse into our morning routine, here’s a snippet of our conversation today:
Me: It’s time to get off the computer and have breakfast.
Him: Why didn’t you say something?
Me: I did, about five times!
Him: I didn’t hear you! You need to speak louder.
Me: But you know we have to leave soon, and there’s a clock on your computer.
Him: The clock is wrong! You were supposed to fix it!
Me: There’s also a clock on the DVD player.
Him: Yeah, but it’s too dim for me to see.
At this point, I can tell he’s fuming inside. Deep down, he knows I’m right and that he should be able to sit down for breakfast without all these reminders. But he refuses to yield. He has a myriad of excuses at the ready and is committed to debating until the end of time. He doesn’t want to acknowledge my correctness, nor will he concede the argument.
You might wonder what would happen if I took a firm stand and asserted my authority. Perhaps you think he shouldn’t be allowed to argue with me like this, or that I’ve failed to discipline him adequately, leading to this defiance. However, if you think that way, I suspect you haven’t encountered a truly strong-willed child before.
Through years of parenting, I’ve learned when to let an argument go. Some battles are simply not worth the fight. This doesn’t mean I’m permissive or that I always allow him to win; I strive to teach him that the world doesn’t revolve around him and that flexibility is important. I certainly don’t want to raise a spoiled child, but I also recognize that his stubborn nature is an intrinsic part of who he is. It’s not going anywhere.
If you’re raising a similarly tenacious child, you know that conventional discipline and negotiation techniques often fall flat. Engaging further only fuels their fire, and attempts to distract them are laughable in their eyes. They won’t relent.
Yet, amidst all the bravado, there lies a bright, thoughtful child who possesses remarkable gifts—traits often associated with high cognitive abilities, which explains their lawyer-like debating skills at such a young age. This strong-willed nature can sometimes manifest as defiance, but beneath the surface, there’s a vulnerability. These kids often fear rejection or failure deeply, and while they must learn that being wrong is acceptable, their emotions must be handled delicately.
Finding the balance between establishing necessary boundaries and nurturing their spirited nature is a challenge. The good news is, many stubborn children have the potential to grow into truly amazing adults. I can see that potential evolving in my son as he matures. A 2015 study highlighted in Time magazine revealed that strong-willed kids often become educational overachievers and high-earning individuals. So, while we parents may find ourselves pulling our hair out one minute, we can also marvel at the brilliance of our children the next.
If you’re also parenting a remarkably stubborn child, know that you are not alone. There are countless others navigating the same challenges, feeling like they’re banging their heads against the wall one moment and celebrating their child’s brilliance the next. Rest assured, you haven’t made any missteps—it’s simply part of their nature.
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In summary, parenting a stubborn child can be an uphill battle, but it also comes with the reward of raising a unique and potentially extraordinary individual. Embrace the journey and remember—you’re not alone in this adventure.