When my son was just a little guy, he would look at me with those earnest eyes and declare that he planned to marry me one day. I would draw him close, kiss his forehead, and gently explain that he would likely find someone else to make him happy, and it would be perfectly fine if he decided to leave me when he grew up. His big brown eyes would fill with confusion as he insisted I was his one true love. This sweet declaration was often followed by a tantrum over the wrong color of his sippy cup or a meltdown over not wanting bananas for lunch, but the sentiment was clear: I was his everything.
Fast forward to today, and he’s now 13. While I know he still loves me, I can’t help but feel nervous about the future. He will get married someday, probably to the little girl I told him he could marry when he was only 3. What frightens me is the thought that once he ties the knot, I may find myself sidelined in his life.
My worries stem not from a lack of faith in his love for me or my ability to be a supportive mother-in-law. Instead, I fear being pushed to the background by a type of woman I’ve encountered too often—someone who forgets that a mother-in-law deserves respect. A woman who believes she should dictate the dynamics of my relationship with my son, marking her territory with jealousy over the time he spends with his mom.
As I’ve raised my boy and listened to countless women express their frustrations about their husbands’ mothers, I can’t shake the anxiety that he might choose a partner who feels entitled to dictate our relationship. I dread the thought of being left out of holidays, birthdays, and family gatherings.
To the Mothers of Daughters
So, to the mothers of daughters, I appeal to you.
I was there with my son from the moment he entered this world, the first time they placed him in my arms after an emergency C-section. I could smell his baby scent, hear his cries, and feel his warmth as I wept tears of joy. Please remind your daughters of this.
I’m the one who bandaged his scraped knees and provided ice packs for his bruised head. I dried his tears, kissed his sweet face, and comforted him through his fears. I rocked him through many sleepless nights. Please help your daughters remember that I loved him fiercely and worried about him constantly, and I always will.
I’ve watched him grow into a towering young man, enduring all the challenges of adolescence—the eye rolls, the attitude, and the angst. I’ve been patient and understanding, even when he could be downright difficult. Please remind your daughters that I can be a valuable ally in their lives, equipped with knowledge on how to handle him when he’s not at his best. They can count on me for support.
I am the woman who fears that one day, I may find myself excluded from my son’s life, especially during cherished occasions like Thanksgiving or Christmas. The thought of losing the closeness we’ve built, simply because my son’s partner harbors negative feelings towards me, terrifies me. I believe in the importance of fostering understanding and love between mothers-in-law and their sons’ partners.
Encouraging Kindness and Understanding
To all the mothers raising daughters, I implore you to teach them kindness towards their mothers-in-law. Help them understand that we, like you, love our sons more than anything. We want the best for them and wish to maintain a special place in their lives. Encourage your daughters to embrace their mothers-in-law, to reach out with friendship, and to include us in their lives.
Lead by example. Show your daughters how to build a loving relationship with their own mothers-in-law. Look at them through my eyes, as someone who once changed your husband’s diapers and filled his stocking on Christmas. Remind yourselves that your mother-in-law did her best, just as you do every day.
Teach your daughters to welcome us into their families, to appreciate the wisdom, love, and strength we can offer. We long for acceptance and respect, not to be alienated or dismissed. Most importantly, help your daughters realize that the woman who raised their partner truly wishes the best for them too.
And to my future daughter-in-law, I promise to raise a son who knows how to love, respect, and value his partner. I’ll ensure he knows how to handle his chores, like putting the toilet seat down and doing laundry, although I can’t promise he’ll keep his room tidy. Some battles are just not meant to be won.
Conclusion
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Summary: This article encourages mothers to teach their daughters to cultivate positive relationships with their mothers-in-law. The author shares personal reflections on raising her son and the fears associated with the potential dynamics that may arise when he gets married. The piece emphasizes the importance of respect, understanding, and kindness in familial relationships, urging mothers to foster acceptance and connection across generations.