Your cart is currently empty!
Why Motherhood and Perfection Are Incompatible
I have a little secret: I used to be a perfectionist. It’s not that I believed I was flawless, but rather that I had an incessant urge to excel in everything I did. I cared deeply about others’ opinions and always aimed to perform my best, whether at work, home, or in my relationships.
In those early days of adulthood, everything seemed to fall into place seamlessly. I excelled in school, married my charming partner, secured a fantastic teaching position, and kept our small apartment spotless while whipping up gourmet meals. We enjoyed long evenings out and worked out together—life felt ideal.
Then came the kids. Don’t get me wrong; each child has brought immeasurable joy and incredible moments that I wouldn’t trade for anything. However, the challenge of maintaining that perfect image became overwhelming when I had little ones to care for. I attempted to juggle it all: social life, being the perfect spouse, and keeping our home in impeccable order. Laundry was folded, floors were spotless, and school notes were always signed. Yet, the more I strived for perfection, the more I grew to resent the chaos created by my family.
The daily messes left by my kids and husband only added to my frustration. Toys were scattered, dishes piled up, and laundry often found its way onto the floor instead of the basket. My family members were blissfully unaware of the pressures I placed on myself and how much I yearned for their acknowledgment. I was exhausted and perpetually cranky.
My expectations extended beyond household chores; I also had hopes of how my children would perform academically. Disappointing parent-teacher conferences felt like personal failures. It wasn’t about keeping up with other mothers; it was my own relentless internal struggle. Was I enough? Was I raising my kids well? Was my husband proud of our home? Did my kids feel content and secure?
Fortunately, I started to recognize the flaw in my mindset before it affected my children in a significant way. I often gauged my self-worth based on my accomplishments—be it as a daughter, wife, sister, or friend. As a teacher, I received feedback through evaluations, but as a mom, there is no grading system. There’s no report card validating my efforts, especially on days when everything seems to fall apart.
You know those days when you can’t find a shoe and your kids are late for school? Or when you discover crayon marks on your freshly painted walls? Or when dinner consists of hot dogs for the third time that week? Those are the moments that shatter the illusion of perfection. Life is inherently messy, and with children, it becomes even more chaotic.
I’ve had to learn, albeit slowly, that perfection is an unrealistic goal. Striving for it, especially in parenting, is like “shoveling the walk before it stops snowing,” as Phyllis Diller wisely noted. It’s futile.
I’m still a work in progress, but I’m beginning to sweep less and hug more. I scrub less and laugh more. I’ve also enlisted my kids to help, which makes a world of difference. Now, I focus more on what my children think of me rather than worrying about how other moms perceive my parenting. I guide them to become their true selves rather than who I envision they should be. Ultimately, my kids may not remember how tidy our home was, but they will definitely cherish how loved they felt.
For more insights into motherhood and family life, you can check out this excellent resource on IVF and the journey to pregnancy.