Before I became a mom, my knowledge about breastfeeding was minimal. I had no idea that milk could flow from multiple openings rather than just one. The thought of pumping was daunting, and when colleagues talked about it, I often tuned out. I only knew there was a machine involved and the funny sounds that working mothers joked about during conference calls. But now that I’ve returned to work after having my baby, I’m fully immersed in the world of pumping. Here’s what I’ve learned through my daily pumping routine—three times a day, to be precise:
1. Milk Spills Are Inevitable
No matter how careful you are, milk will somehow end up on your leg. Whether it’s due to not sitting upright or awkwardly removing the pump from your nursing bra, expect a mess. Choose outfits that can hide those little milk mishaps.
2. Removing Your Top at Work is a Wild Experience
Let’s be honest, the thrill of taking your top off at work is a bit of a rush. The first few times, you may feel adventurous, but after several days of this routine, you’re just hoping to avoid any makeup stains on your shirt.
3. Hospital-Grade Pumps Are a Game Changer
If possible, ask your employer to invest in a hospital-grade pump. While standard pumps can cost around $400 (thanks to healthcare policies), hospital-grade options can run up to $2,000. The difference? It’s like a spa day for your breasts! The first time I used one, I found myself texting fellow pumping moms about how amazing it felt—“like butta!”
4. Sharing a Mini Fridge Feels Like College
Having to label your pumped milk in a shared fridge brings back memories of marking your boxed wine. Instead of writing your name on party supplies, you’re labeling precious ounces of your milk. It’s a nostalgic experience.
5. Eating Salad While Pumping is a Downer
Eating a sad salad at your desk is one thing, but doing it while hooked up to a pump makes it feel ten times worse. It’s hard to feel glamorous when you’re munching on greens while milking yourself—moo.
6. Pumping is Your Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card
I haven’t exploited this yet, but mentioning that you need to pump clears the way for you faster than a fire alarm. It’s incredible how quickly people will let you off the hook.
7. Stop Feeling Grateful for a Pumping Room
If you’re lucky enough to have a designated pumping space at work, it’s time to advocate for better standards. Women shouldn’t have to pump in bathrooms, where logistics are a nightmare. If you don’t have a pumping room, ask for one!
8. “Time for a Tits-Out Party” is Not the Right Phrase
I quickly learned that saying, “I’m off to the Boob Room!” doesn’t exactly make for polite conversation. Similarly, “I’m going to express milk from my breasts” also tends to create discomfort.
9. #NormalizePumpingAtWork
Let’s face it: pumping can feel awkward for everyone involved. But if we don’t address it, it’ll continue to feel weird. By talking about it, we can make the experience a bit more comfortable for future moms who will join us in this journey.
If you want to dive deeper into topics surrounding home insemination and pregnancy, check out our other blog posts, such as this insightful piece or learn more about home insemination kits. For additional resources, visit the Center for Reproductive Health.
In summary, navigating the world of pumping at work has been a unique and enlightening experience. From the inevitable spills to the thrill of using a hospital-grade pump, every moment has taught me something valuable about balancing motherhood and work.