By: Jessica Lane
Date: Jan. 3, 2023
On our very first Valentine’s Day, my now-husband Jacob showed up at my college dorm, a bit bashful, with a bouquet of roses. However, instead of the classic, elegant long-stemmed red roses, he presented me with a bunch of tiny tea roses that looked like they were meant for a fairy. Jacob, practical as ever, thought he scored a great deal with his half-price coupon. While I found it adorable, even if the roses were a bit underwhelming, I appreciated the effort.
After we tied the knot, I anticipated more of these romantic gestures, coupons included. But as weeks turned into months without any flower deliveries, my excitement turned to frustration. I loved flowers and felt like I had married someone who just didn’t get the importance of keeping my spirits high. I would pass by beautiful arrangements at the store, sighing and wishing for the day Jacob would surprise me with some blooms. I even tried dropping hints, but nothing changed.
Then one day, while inhaling the scent of freesia in the grocery store, it dawned on me: I didn’t have to rely on Jacob to bring me flowers. I could buy them myself! So, I filled my cart with a vibrant bouquet, and the aroma brightened my kitchen for the rest of the week.
I discovered that flowers, along with plants for my garden, genuinely uplift me, and I wasn’t going to waste another moment depending on someone else for my happiness. Jacob, bless him, simply doesn’t comprehend the joy I feel when tulips bloom or when I see sunflowers in the fall. For years, I’ve taken charge of my flower-buying habit, treating myself almost weekly. These lovely arrangements not only enhance my workspace but also invigorate me throughout my day. I’ve even ventured into gardening, which has become my happy sanctuary; I eagerly anticipate spring to explore nurseries for new plants.
By pursuing my own joy and being clear about my self-care needs, I give myself daily gifts while freeing Jacob from the pressure to ensure my happiness. He’s a loving and thoughtful partner in countless ways, often surprising me in ways I never expect. While flowers hold a special place in my heart, discovering concert tickets hidden in a stocking or receiving a thoughtful gift I mentioned months prior is equally romantic.
I’ve learned to seek joy independently, and in doing so, both Jacob and I have found fulfillment in our marriage. We’ve moved past the belief that we must deliver happiness to one another and have begun to truly understand what brings each of us joy. This doesn’t mean we lack romance; it simply means I’ve accepted that flowers may not be Jacob’s love language. And that’s perfectly fine! I’ll continue to love him for his quirks because marriage is about embracing each other’s imperfections and nurturing the areas where we both thrive, just like a flourishing garden.
Those tiny tea roses from our early days still make us chuckle today. While I tease Jacob about his reluctance to splurge on flowers or sweets for special occasions, I see his caring nature in the way he comforts our children when they’re sick or holds my hand during a movie date. He might not always remember to order me a bouquet for my birthday, but he more than makes up for it in other meaningful ways.
So, ladies, go ahead and treat yourself to flowers, chocolates, concert tickets, or anything that makes you smile. You don’t have to wait for someone else to gift you what you desire. Your partner may not excel in this area, but you have the power to make yourself happy. Trust me — you’ll never regret it.
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In summary, taking the initiative to treat yourself can enhance your overall happiness and strengthen your relationship. By recognizing your own needs and pursuing what brings you joy, you free both yourself and your partner from unrealistic expectations, allowing your marriage to flourish in new, fulfilling ways.