In our discussions about preparing kids for the “real world,” adults often throw around terms like “special snowflake” while criticizing parents for being too protective. The underlying belief is that children need to toughen up and learn to face challenges without expecting rewards for mere participation. While I understand the intention to equip our kids with resilience, I believe we often overlook the complexity of childhood, which can be as demanding, if not more so, than adulthood.
One key point adults often forget is that children are just beginning to develop their emotional resilience. Think of it like starting a workout routine: at first, every exertion feels overwhelming, and you might find muscles sore in ways you never realized before. Childhood is much like that. Every experience—from disappointment to embarrassment—comes with an intensity that can be hard to fathom.
When I reflect on my most cringe-worthy moments, most stem from my youth rather than my adult life. As I grew older, I learned how to navigate social situations better, avoiding many of the embarrassments that once felt so crushing. But those formative experiences were profound and shaped my understanding of emotions.
Consider how overwhelming it must be for kids to be constantly guided and directed by adults. Yes, we adults face significant responsibilities, but we also enjoy a level of autonomy that children do not. We have the freedom to decide how we spend our time and what choices to make, while kids are often told what to do, leaving little room for their own decision-making.
Moreover, children face bullying in a way that most adults have largely outgrown. In the workplace, if a colleague were to harass me, I could seek help from human resources. Kids, on the other hand, often endure bullying without knowing how to effectively address it. Although schools have implemented anti-bullying programs, many studies indicate that these initiatives don’t always produce the desired results. This reality makes childhood a battleground of emotions, and the helplessness they may feel is a heavy burden.
Adding to the mix is the sheer volume of new information children are expected to absorb daily, compounded by the physical and emotional changes they go through. Their worries, while they may seem petty to adults, are very real and can be incredibly challenging for them. Just like us, they experience a range of emotions, often more intensely, yet they lack the life experience that helps adults process these feelings. Even we, as adults, aren’t always graceful in managing our emotions, so why should we expect children to do so consistently?
As caregivers, it’s our role to prepare kids for the future while also supporting them through the ups and downs of growing up. These early years can be filled with discovery and joy, but they’re also fraught with trials. For children facing additional challenges—like those from divorced families, poverty, or mental health issues—childhood can be even more complex and difficult.
While it’s true that we don’t do children any favors by overly sheltering them, we also shouldn’t dismiss their struggles as childish whining. Children inhabit their own version of the “real world,” and their difficulties are just as significant to them as adult problems are to us. They need our empathy and support, not just our strength. By acknowledging their experiences and validating their feelings, we empower them to tackle future challenges with confidence. This validation is where true growth occurs.
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In summary, we must remember that childhood, despite its perceived simplicity, comes with a host of challenges that are very real to children. By recognizing the intensity of their experiences and offering support, we help them build the resilience they need for adulthood.