As my daughter Ella approached me, I could sense something was wrong. Normally lively and full of energy, my 11-year-old walked slowly, tears glistening in her eyes after getting off the bus. The new school year had begun, and as always, it was off to a shaky start—her usual shyness resurfacing during the first days in a new environment. This time, it was the lunchroom that was particularly daunting. Although she had friends, initiating conversations with new classmates was a challenge, and lunch had turned into a source of anxiety. Once someone broke the ice, however, her vibrant personality would shine through.
This year felt especially tough, as preteen girls can be a challenging bunch. If you don’t fit the typical bubbly, girly mold, it can be hard to break into the social circles of fifth-grade girls. I remembered my own experiences as a shy, bookish girl, often the new kid in class. As Ella recounted her lonely lunch experience, I felt myself slipping back into that awkward, shy version of myself.
My first instinct was to fix the situation immediately. Who could I reach out to? Was there someone at the school who could help her navigate the complexities of the fifth-grade lunchroom? I didn’t want her to endure the same quiet lunches I had, filled with loneliness. But deep down, I knew that intervening in this way was not the right approach. I tried to resist the urge to micromanage her school experience, but I found myself contacting a friend who worked in the lunchroom to devise a plan to help Ella.
And that’s when I realized I was engaging in what’s known as “lawn mower parenting.” Unlike the more recognized “helicopter parenting,” where parents hover over their children’s everyday lives, lawn mower parents take it a step further. They obsessively clear away any obstacles that might hinder their child, creating a smooth path free of challenges and conflicts. Essentially, they “mow the lawn” to ensure their children have a stress-free childhood.
If I’m guilty of revving up that lawn mower, chances are many of you are too, and it’s time for us to stop. We aren’t doing our kids any favors by making their lives too easy. Life can be tough, especially during those formative early teenage years. We all cringe looking back at our middle school photos, recalling awkward moments like that first kiss or the heartbreak that follows. Yet, we survived those experiences, and our children will too.
Sure, there will be tears along the way. You might want to confront the boy who broke your daughter’s heart. You’ll watch your child struggle in math and face disappointment when they don’t make the basketball team. With every bump in the road, you will remember your own challenges. But here’s the truth: It’s not about us; it’s about them.
Children need to have the same experiences we did to gain essential life lessons. They must feel embarrassment and awkwardness to learn and grow. While it’s important to support them, we shouldn’t pave their entire path. Instead, we should equip them with the necessary tools to navigate their own way, allowing them to stumble and learn from their mistakes.
Falling isn’t the hard part; what matters is getting back up, fighting through adversity, and emerging stronger. If we constantly clear obstacles for our children, we risk raising entitled individuals. And trust me, we have enough of those already.
So, let’s put away the lawn mowers and allow our kids to experience the challenges of growing up. As difficult as it may be, we can’t micromanage their childhoods. Our involvement should be reserved for when they truly need us, reassuring them that we’ll be there when it counts. Because, honestly, it’s far more enjoyable to relax with a glass of wine while your child learns to navigate life’s lawn.
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In summary, our kids need to face challenges to develop resilience. While it’s tempting to clear their paths, we must allow them to experience life’s ups and downs to prepare for adulthood.