Ah, the joys of parenting! Many parents share their tales of sleepless nights and restless toddlers. “Oh, Jake is a nightmare! He’s nearly 3 and wakes up multiple times a night! I can’t remember the last time I had a full night’s sleep. It feels like I’m fading away!”
“Try living with Sophie! She’s up at 5 a.m. every single day! Can you believe this?”
To these parents, I can only chuckle.
I believe in the relativity of experiences. Your struggles are legitimate, even if they pale in comparison to the hardships faced by others. But when it comes to kids and their sleep habits? Let’s just say my children take the prize for the worst sleepers ever. And my 4-year-old? He’s the reigning champ!
I endured what felt like a month of labor — okay, it was 42 hours — but still way too long! After 2 hours in the hospital, we headed home. He snoozed through our 25-minute ride, even during our McDonald’s pancake pit stop. And then, he woke up and has hardly slept since.
From the moment he could talk (which was way too early at 8 months), he has graced us with profound discussions every couple of hours, sometimes more frequently when the topic is particularly pressing. He still sneaks into our bed, and some nights he drifts right back to sleep, while other nights he dives into existential crises that require deep dives into psychology.
We’ve tackled many topics at 4 a.m., ranging from simple questions about birthday gifts to complex inquiries about what lies beyond our solar system (which, frankly, I can’t even answer). Here are 13 of the most frequent late-night musings that keep us awake:
- Carburetors
What’s a carburetor, you ask? I wish I knew! It’s found in cars — that much I grasp. But they stopped being used in the early ’90s. How do I know? Jake informed me at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m. - Math and Solar Power
How do these two connect? Well, it’s pitch dark at 4 a.m., making it tough to use a solar-powered calculator. Want to know the trick? Blast the overhead light, the bathroom light, and the hall light. Good luck sleeping after that! - Life
How does a baby get into the uterus? How does it exit the vagina? Why don’t I have a vagina? Is there a baby in your uterus? When will you have another? I don’t have a uterus! You don’t?! Why did you take it out? Did they use a robot? Can we get one? No, we can’t. - Death
Specifically, what happens after we die. This question kept us up for weeks. Initially, we told him it’s a mystery. Never tell a 4-year-old that! We tried appeasing him with visions of candy-filled heavens. When that failed, we shifted to reincarnation. Finally, in desperation, we settled on “you can come back as you!” - Hamsters
More specifically, his sister’s hamster that has passed on. Why did the cat take the hamster? Why didn’t it eat it? What happens to hamsters when they die? They come back as cats that eat other hamsters. - Big Trucks
What do they carry? Why are they so enormous? Where are they headed? What if we had one? If we did, I’d put you in it right now! - Holidays
How long until my birthday? What will I get? Can I have a hamster? Will the cat eat it? If I have to count down to another birthday in the middle of the night, I’m canceling it! - The Moon
What’s it made of? Why can we only see parts of it? Where does it go during the day? How far is it? Can we go there? No. Now, let’s sleep! - The Air Conditioner
How does it work? What cools the air? How does it know when to turn on? Where’s the fan? Will it chop off my hand? Yes, it does that to boys who don’t sleep. Do you know any? - Exhaust Systems
What is exhaust made of? Why does it contribute to global warming? Do our cars have it? Should we bike more? What happens if all the ice caps melt? We drown. The end. - More Trucks
Different sizes, trucks with or without carburetors, exhaust systems… Why are kids so obsessed with trucks? - The Sun
Why is it so hot? What gases make it up? What happens if it burns out? If it does, we all die! And we won’t come back as ourselves, since death is a mystery!
If you’re interested in parenting tips on topics like this and more, check out our other blog posts here. For more on home insemination, visit Make A Mom. And if you’re looking for an excellent resource on pregnancy, explore ASRM.
In summary, parenting is filled with late-night inquiries that can challenge even the most patient of souls. Whether it’s deep philosophical discussions or simple curiosities about the world, our little ones keep us on our toes — and often, awake at the most inconvenient hours.