By: Jamie Lee
Updated: Jan. 24, 2017
Originally Published: Jan. 24, 2017
From the moment my son’s first word echoed through our home—“Dada”—it was clear who held the spotlight in his eyes. His first full sentence was a simple yet telling, “I want Dada.” Soon after, he began asking, “Where’s Dada?” He turns to my husband for everything: constructing towering block structures, reading his beloved story about trucks, and even for bath time and bedtime rituals. When morning breaks, it’s always Dada he calls for, and as he settles into sleep, it’s Dada who he seeks out for comfort.
I can’t quite identify when this fascination with my husband took root, but with each passing day, it seems to deepen. And with it, so does my sense of rejection.
It feels so wrong to be the mother yet not the one he turns to when he scrapes his knee. Dada’s kisses are bestowed with some magical charm, while my attempts only seem to amplify his tears. His laughter is brighter and his smiles wider when he’s with my husband.
On good days, I find this dynamic endearing and I celebrate the strong bond they share, filled with laughter and playful antics that I often can’t decipher. But on tougher days, I lie awake at night, contemplating whether I should seek support to address the feelings of inadequacy that have surfaced in my own home.
When I share this experience with my fellow mom friends, their responses are often tinged with envy:
- “I would love it if my kids preferred their father over me. I never get a break.”
- “Count your blessings. My toddler clings to me nonstop.”
- “Ugh. All I hear is ‘Mooommm.’ For once, I’d love to hear ‘Daaaddd.’”
Such comments don’t alleviate my feelings; instead, they often intensify them, making me feel like the only mom who isn’t the center of her child’s world. It’s a struggle that leaves me feeling like a failure.
I know my child better than anyone. I understand that he’ll only eat grapes if they’re cut in half, and the surefire way to get him to nap is a drive along the coast with the windows cracked to let in the soothing sound of the waves. I’m aware of his dislike for sleeping in socks and that he’s not shy, just observant, taking his time to warm up to new faces.
And above all, I know he loves me. After all, he spent nine months within me and then relied on me for nourishment for six more. We share an irreplaceable bond that only a mother and child can truly understand.
When it’s just us, we create magic together. Our Sunday morning ritual at the local bakery for bagels is a cherished escape, giving my husband a moment of peace from our little one’s constant energy. We laugh, sing, and genuinely enjoy our time together. Yet, the moment my husband joins us, it becomes painfully clear that when given a choice, my son will always gravitate towards him.
To my husband’s credit, he recognizes my hurt as “The Overlooked Parent” (a label I’ve given myself). He encourages our son to choose me, often saying, “Why don’t you ask Mommy to read that book? Her animal voices are much better!” But my son never takes the bait, and I watch with a forced smile as my heart aches more.
Yet, like many phases in parenting, this too shall pass. Motherhood is a rollercoaster of incredible highs and challenging lows. Just when one difficult phase feels overwhelming—like sleepless nights or teething—the next brings joyful milestones that make it all worthwhile.
I’m hopeful that this phase will soon transition, and my husband and I will navigate the next chapter together. If you’re also exploring the journey of parenthood, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination, which might provide you with insights and support: What to Expect When You Have Your First IUI.
As we navigate through this journey, remember that every family dynamic has its challenges and joys. For those interested in further understanding the process of home insemination, you can find valuable information at this link.
In the end, parenting is a beautiful, albeit sometimes bittersweet journey, and every moment—be it joyful or challenging—shapes our unique family story.
Summary
The article reflects on the emotional challenges of feeling like the less preferred parent in a child’s life, particularly when a child shows a clear preference for one parent over another. The author shares personal anecdotes, illustrating the deep bond they share with their child and the pain of feeling overlooked. Ultimately, the narrative acknowledges that this phase is likely temporary and encourages readers to embrace the complexity of parenthood.