Just before the holiday season, my 4-year-old caught a terrible stomach bug that was circulating at her school. After hours of discomfort, she finally fell asleep on my chest in the early hours. I braced myself for a long night, knowing that sleepless nights become less daunting with experience as a parent.
In those quiet moments, watching her breathe softly while clutching her favorite stuffed monkey, I was reminded of the simplicity in our bond. To her, I’m simply “Dad,” providing the love and protection she deserves. To me, she’s a cherished child, and nothing else matters in that moment.
I can’t help but think about the lawmakers who vilify transgender individuals. Do they genuinely believe that my child should feel unloved or unprotected because I am trans? It pains me to think that society might seek to harm my child simply because of my identity. It’s a harsh reality for many parents who hold their trans kids close during tough times. The message they receive in this hostile environment is that their children are not worthy of safety, love, and support. Those precious children, who enter the world filled with hope, are often made to feel disposable.
Real people are suffering due to legislation like North Carolina’s House Bill 2 and the many proposed bills cropping up nationwide. These laws claim that transgender individuals threaten others, as if we simply wake up one day and decide to be a different gender. That narrative is far from the truth.
No one chooses to face a world that is often hostile towards them. The journey to self-acceptance is frequently filled with hardship and denial before one can embrace their true identity. When we emerge from that struggle, ready to love and build families, it’s disheartening to encounter the negativity from lawmakers who perpetuate harmful narratives.
Yes, my body may differ from societal expectations based on gender, but why should that spark a movement against us? The human experience is wonderfully diverse and complex.
Do you think anyone notices the scars on my chest when I hold my child? Do they matter when I use the restroom or change in a locker room? Is it worth enacting laws that suggest my child’s father doesn’t belong in public spaces? Or worse, sending a message to kids grappling with their identities that society wishes they didn’t exist? My surgical scars, which are a testament to life-saving care, remind me of the privilege I have had access to health resources that have allowed me to thrive. Those scars signify survival, not regret.
Unfortunately, not every transgender person has the same privilege, especially women and femmes of color who face systemic discrimination that threatens their lives. As an attorney at the American Civil Liberties Union, I work diligently to combat proposed laws that signal transgender individuals should not be afforded legal protections or, worse, that we should not exist.
Daily, I encounter arguments that boil down to a belief that a world without transgender individuals would be simpler and better. A so-called expert defending North Carolina’s HB 2 has claimed that a transgender person is merely “deluded,” a view dismissed by every major medical association in the U.S. Yet, these fringe beliefs shape harmful policies affecting real lives.
It’s unconscionable to consider moving forward with such laws while trans youth suffer. With nearly 40% of transgender individuals attempting suicide, the statistics reflect the systemic discrimination we face, not a failure of our identities.
Our access to healthcare is restricted, our basic rights are questioned, and even our struggles are weaponized against us. The world can feel unbearable when you’re trans. I’ve experienced those feelings, and so did Alex Carter, a 19-year-old trans woman who tragically took her life just days before New Year’s. Like countless other children, Alex was cradled in her parents’ arms, filled with dreams for the future, only to have those dreams extinguished by a society that rejected her. Parental love is vital, but sometimes not enough against such cruelty.
In the wake of Alex’s passing, her parents shared, “To be different in a world that doesn’t embrace difference is a challenge many of us may never fully comprehend. We must work to ease that struggle for others. Together, we can create a safer, more compassionate world for youth like Alex by treating everyone with dignity.”
We have a choice as individuals and as a society about the world we want to build. If we allow fear of difference to guide our actions, we condemn young people like Alex to a reality that tells them they are unwelcome. We must strive for better.
I take pride in my identity as a trans man and my advocacy for my community. I believe we can create a safer, more nurturing environment for our children and honor those who have fought for our rights.
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In summary, as a trans dad and attorney, I remain dedicated to challenging anti-trans legislation to safeguard my family and community. Together, we can work towards a world that embraces diversity and protects all individuals.