As I sit here, it’s nearly midnight on January 22, 2017, and I’m feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. Just a few moments ago, I was nearly dozing off while watching endless highlights from the day’s two NFL playoff games. But then I made the rookie mistake of reflecting on my day—a practice I usually enjoy to ensure a balance of fun, relaxation, accomplishments, family time, and a little “me” time. When I feel I’ve hit that sweet spot, it’s like a self-administered good-night kiss, sending me off to sleep with a clear mind.
However, tonight is a different story, and this guilt has been nagging at me, compelling me to write it all down in hopes of finding some self-forgiveness. The source of my guilt? My 11-year-old daughter, Emily, who adores celebrations. She’s written charming short stories with titles like “The Night Before Thanksgiving” and “The Night Before Christmas Eve, Eve.” These gems are family treasures that I plan to keep close to my heart.
In November, she even made me a card for Veteran’s Day—despite my not having served. Emily embodies the spirit of joy and creativity, starkly contrasting my sarcastic demeanor. Her greatest passion is throwing unique and elaborate parties, and today, she was at it again for the NFL games. All she needed from me was to choose a team to root for and to appreciate the colors of the Atlanta Falcons.
Before the first game kicked off, she had prepared an impressive spread:
- Chips and salsa artfully arranged on a platter
- Homemade sugar cookies made from scratch
- A “Let’s Go Falcons!” banner gracing the back door
- Streamers in both Falcons and Steelers colors
- Pre-sliced cheese and crackers
- A creative tattoo station featuring glitter and special pens
- A variety of beverages served in themed cups with Falcons straws
Yet, instead of embracing this wonderful celebration, I let her down. I turned down a cookie due to my sugar detox. Seriously, Jake? You watched her go through the entire process of finding the recipe, gathering ingredients, and baking those cookies with love and pride. And you couldn’t indulge just this once? I dismissed her party spirit by saying I didn’t care who won since my team, the Raiders, were already out.
I didn’t even bother to use any of the themed cups or straws. Do you think I’m a bad dad yet? The only reason I have a Mets tattoo on my arm is that I finally agreed to it after multiple requests. I didn’t take a single photo to capture this moment, which only deepens my regret.
While I know I’m generally a good father—having countless evenings filled with laughter, back rides, and bedtime talks—today was a missed opportunity. My daughter is on the cusp of becoming a teenager, and these moments are fleeting. Instead of cherishing this special time, I let distractions like exercising and obsessively checking my eBay sales take precedence. I wouldn’t label myself as selfish, but today, I certainly felt that way. The thought of her potentially expecting my indifference stings even more.
Tomorrow morning, I can’t wait to greet Emily with a big hug and a heartfelt “thank you” for being the amazing kid she is. I’ve learned so much from her, often more than I could ever hope to teach.
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Summary
Today, I experienced a wave of dad guilt after realizing I missed an opportunity to celebrate with my daughter, Emily, during her NFL party preparations. Instead of engaging and enjoying her creativity, I let distractions take over. This reflection serves as a reminder of the importance of being present in our children’s lives, especially during fleeting moments.