As a parent and a certified life coach, I’m passionate about guiding children to understand and celebrate each other’s differences. One of my primary aspirations is to raise kids who know their identities rather than feeling confined to a mold I’ve created. They should step into the world with confidence in who they are.
Recently, I’ve come across various articles advocating against compelling children to say “please,” “thank you,” or “I’m sorry.” The rationale is that children should express themselves authentically and shouldn’t be coerced into phrases that don’t resonate with them. While I appreciate the intention behind this perspective, I firmly believe there are significant reasons to teach our kids the value of these polite expressions.
1. Reducing Entitlement
When children are not taught to express gratitude or to ask politely, they may develop a sense of entitlement. By encouraging them to say “thank you” and “please,” we instill an awareness of others’ feelings. It helps them recognize that what they desire, like a piece of candy, isn’t inherently theirs. This simple act of asking and thanking fosters an understanding that they must appreciate others’ contributions to their lives. Teaching them to pause and reflect on their requests can be a vital step in countering entitlement.
2. Fostering Mutual Respect
Respect is a learned behavior, not an instinct. If children aren’t taught to treat others with consideration, they might approach relationships with selfishness. My son, when he was just two years old, learned to say “thank you” whenever I fulfilled his requests. This simple lesson helped him recognize that anyone who assists him deserves acknowledgment. While he’s still learning, those early lessons are laying the groundwork for a lifetime of respect towards others.
3. Building Empathy
When my child inadvertently hurts another, it’s crucial for them to apologize—not just to show respect, but to nurture their empathy. Saying “I’m sorry,” even if it feels forced, prompts them to reflect on the situation and consider the feelings of others. This process encourages them to think about how their actions affect those around them. Empathy is a vital trait that needs to be nurtured, as it can easily be overlooked without proper guidance.
4. What If We’re Mistaken?
I must admit, not insisting on phrases like “please” and “thank you” would simplify things. The allure of raising naturally gracious children without the need for polite expressions is tempting. However, what if we’re wrong? What if we raise a generation that lacks gratitude and fails to understand the importance of forgiveness?
The key is to ensure that the intention behind these phrases is not just about obedience but about instilling respect, empathy, and an appreciation for others. I may not always get everything right as a parent, but I find immense value in upholding the importance of manners.
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In summary, teaching our children to use manners is not merely about following rules; it’s about instilling values that will shape their character and relationships for years to come.