By: Jake Thompson
Updated: June 25, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 17, 2017
While attending a community gathering with my wife, Anna, we found ourselves filling out a fun questionnaire circulating around social media for Valentine’s Day. It posed questions meant for couples to answer honestly, just for laughs.
Our three kids were surprisingly well-behaved that day, allowing Anna and me to communicate our answers quietly as the speaker addressed the audience. We started off with easy questions: How long have you been together? (14 years) Who’s older? (Anna). Then it took a turn into more pointed queries, like “Who makes the most mess?” Anna leaned in and whispered the question, raising her eyebrows in anticipation.
“Definitely you,” she responded without hesitation, her tone devoid of any sugar-coating.
“Have you seen the state of the living room?” I shot back. “That’s all you!”
“What about your desk?” she countered. “It looks like a tornado hit it!”
After some back-and-forth, we finally agreed on one thing: “We’re both messy.” Yet deep down, I knew it wasn’t entirely accurate. Living with Anna for over a decade had given me a front-row seat to her habits, including the cluttered pile of mail on the kitchen counter and the hair care products that seemed to multiply on the bathroom sink.
From my perspective, I was the tidier one. But then again, Anna had her own list of my not-so-great habits: the pile of laundry I let sit, the crumbs in the car, and the soda cans I often forgot about.
“Who’s the worse driver?” she continued, moving to the next question.
“You’ve racked up more tickets,” I replied.
“I’ve had one! You’re the one who never uses your turn signal and can’t find the way without GPS,” she shot back. “And you speed!”
“Ten miles over isn’t speeding!” I protested.
“It’s not just about getting pulled over; it’s about the law. And you’ve had your share of tickets!”
As we continued to bicker over questions like “Who hogs the bed?” and “Who’s better with computers?” it became clear that these were not groundbreaking revelations. Instead, we were realizing how long-term relationships can lead to some amusingly petty irritations.
One question that struck me was “Who has the worst temper?” Our mutual conclusion? “Let’s just say we’re even so we don’t argue 😉
This sarcastic answer made me think. Anna and I are indeed opposites in many ways. She loves gardening, while I prefer cycling. I’m a bookworm; she’s a scientist. I enjoy meat, and she’s a vegetarian. In fact, if you put our preferences side by side, it’s a miracle we even ended up together—no dating app would match us.
Yet here we are, 14 years deep into our marriage, three kids, and a home. Despite our differences, we still share a bond that laughs at the little things, even when they drive us a bit crazy.
When we wrapped up the questionnaire, we were both chuckling, albeit in a way that said, “I love you, but I’m also slightly annoyed right now.” Anna posted our answers, and we returned to the meeting.
Reflecting on our playful arguments, I realized we’re not so different after all. Both of us leave our shoes at the door, and neither of us is a great driver, but we’ve learned to appreciate each other’s strengths and quirks.
In marriage, it’s crucial to recognize that much of what irritates us about our partners often mirrors our own quirks. We must choose to overlook the small annoyances and focus on what truly matters—those small, loving gestures, the way we support each other, and how we care for our family.
So tonight, when I get home, I’m going to remind Anna how much I appreciate her, despite the cluttering habits and the occasional traffic tickets. I’m optimistic she’ll return the sentiment, acknowledging how I’m not the best at folding laundry. And for anyone who finds themselves frustrated by the little daily irritations in their relationships, I encourage you to do the same.
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Summary:
Marriage is a journey that teaches us to navigate the little annoyances that come with sharing a life. While you may find yourself irritated by your partner’s habits, it’s essential to focus on the love and support that truly matter. Embracing both the good and the frustrating aspects of your relationship can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of one another.