Dear Jamie,
There have been moments when I felt a tinge of bitterness toward you, particularly during your medical school years, while I was navigating the transition into a stay-at-home mom. It often seemed like you couldn’t grasp the weight of my struggles. I was entirely devoted to our little one, feeling both consumed and isolated. While you continued to pursue a life outside of parenthood, I put mine on hold to support yours.
For a stretch, we bounced from place to place, living out of suitcases. I vividly remember us staying in a one-bedroom basement in Staten Island. During those years, I was the one managing sleepless nights, offering comfort and nourishment to our child. Whenever you had a rare day off, I’d whisk our toddler out the door the moment he woke, hoping you and our roommate could catch a few more precious hours of sleep—even if it was often with a hint of resentment. I can still recall one morning, strolling to our local bakery with our little guy in tow, muttering to myself, “I could handle all this on my own.”
Given the unpredictable nature of life, I’ve genuinely pondered the truth behind that statement. Now, after five years as a stay-at-home mom, I sometimes wonder if I could indeed manage independently. Setting aside emotional factors, would I be able to provide food and shelter? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. I’ve always considered myself a strong, self-sufficient woman, and the truth is, I would be okay. After all, my determination is what makes staying home a challenge in the first place.
Yes, I could make it work, but there would be challenges to navigate. You are the dreamer in our relationship, crafting a life filled with fantasies and aspirations. Your career as a doctor has the potential to afford us a life of freedom and adventure, perhaps even in Costa Rica. But as for me, I don’t envision a life without you; my only concept of home is wherever we are together. The thought of venturing into the jungle alone or returning to New Jersey doesn’t appeal to me, despite missing my sister there. After living in Florida for so long, I’ve grown accustomed to the warmth and outdoor fun all year round.
Now that you’re in your residency, working long hours—sometimes 26 days a month—I realize that technically, I could handle everything solo. I can juggle bags and toddlers like a pro, clean the house while playing hide-and-seek, and even disguise grocery trips as cookie excursions, preparing meals with one hand. But despite my capabilities, I eagerly count down the hours until you return—not because I need you to change diapers or refill sippy cups, but simply because I want you here.
I don’t necessarily need you to handle the scooters or remind the boys when it’s time to find a new climbing tree during our family outings. What I truly need is your hand to hold and your conversation to share.
I can certainly put the dishes away and hunt for the missing shoe on my own, but with you, laughter flows more freely, and the coffee somehow tastes richer. I can walk the kids to sleep alone, but when we stroll together, the full moon seems even more magical, inviting us to linger a little longer in its glow. I can take our son to karate by myself, but when that adorable girl rushes to be his partner, or a boy helps him with his jump kicks, I notice the sweetness—but I don’t laugh as heartily without you by my side.
I don’t require you to share parenting duties merely for fairness or necessity; I crave the joy that comes from doing it together. With you, the laughter is louder, the sweetness more profound, and even the challenging moments feel lighter. Life simply shines brighter when we’re together.
Our connection goes beyond co-parenting; we share life experiences that deepen our understanding of one another. When I gaze at a stunning sunset and you say, “Look at that!” it validates my perception, making the colors pop even more vibrantly.
I don’t need you for mere practical reasons, but because you truly know me. You understand my laughter and can read my silence. You appreciate my insecurities as much as my strengths, and your understanding reinforces my sense of self. We are like two halves of the same whole, discovering more about ourselves through each other.
While it’s true that I can manage without you, I need you for so much more than mere survival.
In essence, I have come to realize that my life is richer with you. You bring joy, laughter, and meaning to our shared journey.
Love,
[Your Name]