“I’m 9 years old and I have OCD. Every day is a challenge for me, especially when I go to school. I often worry that I might do something embarrassing, like shout a swear word or accidentally spit food on the floor and feel the need to eat it again. I don’t want to act like that, but my OCD makes me feel like I have to, which leaves me feeling anxious all the time. Even at home, it’s not much different. At night, I struggle with the urge to swear or check under my bed for monsters. When I get a cut or bruise, I feel an impulse to hurt it even more. So, daily life can be overwhelming for me.”
These are the heartfelt words of my son, who is a bright, imaginative, and generous-hearted boy. However, he battles feelings of loneliness and stress as he grapples with OCD. Just last night, he confided that he wishes for a normal life, free from the constraints of OCD. It pains me to see him feeling so powerless, as if he’s in an unending struggle against his own mind.
Here’s how he describes a typical day at school:
- 9:00 a.m. — “Morning meeting: I enjoy it, but it can be nerve-wracking because I’m scared I’ll accidentally swear or embarrass myself in front of everyone.”
- 9:30 a.m. — “Math: This is really stressful. I worry I might make loud noises or write something inappropriate on the Smart Board.”
- 10:30 a.m. — “Reading: I feel the pressure to keep quiet, but I still stress about swearing or making noises.”
- 11:10 a.m. — “Recess and lunch: I like recess, but sometimes I get strange thoughts about hurting myself. Luckily, it’s warm outside, so I can’t stick my tongue to the metal poles anymore. Earlier this year, I couldn’t help staring at the sun. At lunch, I eat in threes and sometimes drop food on the floor on purpose, feeling compelled to eat it afterward.”
- 12:00 p.m. — “Writing: This class is the hardest. I adore my teacher, but it’s quiet, and I often feel anxious after recess. I have the urge to swear, make noises, or even tear my paper apart.”
- 12:30 p.m. — “Specialist classes: Gym is usually good, but sometimes I have strange urges there too. Art, music, and Spanish can be just as stressful as the other classes.”
- 1:35 p.m. — “Social Studies and Science: Some days are manageable when we’re busy, but I dread partner work or quiet times because of the pressure to make noises or drop things.”
- 2:30 p.m. — “Free-choice time: This is the best part of my day! I can read or play, and it’s not too quiet, so I don’t feel as much pressure.”
- 3:30 p.m. — “The bus ride is fine unless I end up near the emergency alarm. If that happens, I have to fight the urge to pull it.”
He also shared, “Whenever I walk down the hall, I have to touch my knees to the floor in threes. There are many other urges I experience, like wanting to scribble on my paper or take things that don’t belong to me. I even got a bruise this week and sometimes feel like hitting it with a hammer. I don’t want to hurt myself, but my OCD mind tells me I should. It’s really difficult to explain these feelings to others.”
My son wants to share his experience so that others can better understand OCD. He’s worn out from trying to combat it, and the constant fear of being “found out” only amplifies his struggles. He feels isolated but hopes to believe that he is “okay” despite OCD. For those who relate to his struggles, I kindly ask you to share some encouraging words with him to remind him he isn’t alone and that there is hope.
For those who aren’t familiar with OCD, thank you for taking the time to read this. It’s nearly impossible to grasp the challenges of resisting OCD urges or the constant internal dialogue that comes with it. If my son’s story resonates with you, please let him know he’s made a difference by sharing his experience.
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In summary, my son’s journey through OCD is filled with challenges that many may not understand. His bravery in sharing his experiences is commendable, and hopefully, it fosters empathy and connection among those who read his words.