Parenting has a unique way of reshaping our views, and for me, the arrival of my son was a pivotal moment. It was particularly poignant that the day I learned I was having a boy coincided with the release of George Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death. It served as a stark reminder that innocence doesn’t shield anyone from the harsh realities of a world rife with hatred and ignorance.
Before my son’s birth, my identity as a feminist was firmly established. As a woman of color, I resonated deeply with the womanist philosophies of trailblazers like Alice Walker and Delores Williams. I participated in grassroots efforts for equal pay and actively supported organizations like Planned Parenthood. My upbringing—being one of two daughters raised by a single mother—further grounded my focus on women’s empowerment.
But everything shifted the moment my son entered the world.
Realizations in Retail
When you become a parent, your mind races through hopes and dreams for your child’s future. You ponder their potential challenges and the person they might become. Will they be strong, sensitive, artistic, or athletic? You also start to think about how the world will receive them. I envisioned raising my son to appreciate the significance of women and to be an ally for equality. However, I soon realized that boys need to understand their own self-worth and the fight for equality just as much.
One day, while shopping for my son’s first set of “big boy underwear” at a local Target, I was struck by a realization. The boys’ section was notably smaller than the girls’. I observed that the shelves for boys were often bare, while the girls’ section overflowed with options. This disparity made me reflect on the challenges boys face and how feminism could expand to encompass the struggles of masculinity. I began to see that the true adversaries of women are often those men who are misled about what it means to be a man. I realized I had to advocate for boys as well, starting with my own.
Boys face their own set of challenges, including higher rates of mental health issues, educational struggles, and even abuse. These realities hit home when I considered my son, a cheerful little boy who loves to sing and dance. Conversations with male friends revealed alarming statistics about male victimization and the lack of focus on their emotional well-being. It became clear that nurturing our sons is just as essential as empowering our daughters.
Encouraging Emotional Expression
One of the most important lessons I learned was the significance of allowing my son to express his emotions freely. While every parent reaches a point where they want to rein in excessive tantrums, I made a conscious effort to let him feel his emotions, whether sadness, frustration, or anger. I encourage him to find a quiet space to process his feelings, reinforcing that his emotions are valid, regardless of my agreement with them.
Moreover, I respect his autonomy over his body. If he feels uncomfortable with someone, I ensure he knows it’s okay to set boundaries. The outdated notion of telling boys to “suck it up” is fading, and I hope to raise him in an environment where he can embrace his emotions without fear of judgment.
Feminism and Masculinism: A Dual Approach
Mothering a boy has taught me that feminism cannot thrive without considering masculinism. The issues we face today, especially as societal norms shift, frequently stem from an inability for men to empathize with women’s experiences. To foster a just society, I believe it is crucial to raise boys who are conscious and considerate.
Boys who grow up in a nurturing environment—feeling respected and loved—are less likely to seek validation through toxic masculinity. They become leaders who champion equality and fairness. This is the hope I hold for my son.
As women and feminists, if we are committed to uplifting our daughters, we must also be dedicated to nurturing the boys they will one day meet. I’m starting with my own son.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this blog post. Also, for a deeper understanding of the process, this resource is excellent. If you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom offers comprehensive kits that can aid in your journey.
Summary:
Having a son transformed my understanding of feminism, pushing me to consider the emotional and social challenges that boys face. It’s essential to advocate for both genders, creating a world where love, respect, and equality flourish. By encouraging emotional expression and understanding the complexities of masculinity, we can raise a generation of boys who stand firmly for equality alongside the women in their lives.