I used to pride myself on having a pretty strong stomach. Blood? No big deal. I wouldn’t flinch at my own or anyone else’s. Sure, vomit could make me queasy, but it never sent me running for the bathroom. Losing a toenail? No problem. I could even chat with my partner about poop without batting an eye. Cleaning up my dog’s accidents was a task I managed with relative ease.
But there were limits. The thought of teeth falling out made me squeamish, and urine-scented alleys were a definite no-go. Once, I tried to clean up after my dog and ended up vomiting right on the spot. Thankfully, my partner took care of the messier aspects of pet ownership.
Then came the kids, and suddenly, my tolerance for grossness skyrocketed. Sure, people without children know that kids can be messy, but they don’t grasp the sheer level of bodily grossness until they’re living with one—especially a little one. You’ll find yourself performing tasks that would have made your pre-mom self gag.
You’ll Get Poop in All the Wrong Places
Non-moms might understand that diaper changes involve wiping up feces, but they don’t know the reality of getting poop stuck in all the nooks and crannies. As a mom, you’ll gently extract it from delicate areas, often needing multiple wipes to get the job done. It’s utterly repulsive, yet it’s just part of the job. What, did you think there was fine print you missed?
You’ll Get Poop on Your Hands
Then there are those delightful occasions when a diaper fails, and you’re left with poop smeared from your baby’s heels to their neck. As you wrestle them out of their clothes—typically the nice ones you had picked out for a special occasion—you’ll find yourself wiping and wiping, often getting some on your hands. You might be furious about the outfit, but you’ll soldier through, smearing it on your shirt and moving on as if it’s a regular Tuesday. Once, you couldn’t handle dog poop without gagging; now, you’re wiping human filth off your bare hands without a second thought.
You’ll Discover the Best Cleaners for Messy Situations
Although your little one might not intentionally create a mess, you’ll soon find yourself cleaning up poop that has escaped its diaper, perhaps even stepping in it as they track it around the house. And if you have boys? Well, you’ll learn which cleaners effectively mask the smell of urine, since boys seem to have a talent for peeing everywhere except the toilet. Your bathroom may smell like a public restroom, and you’ll become an expert at keeping it fresh because the stench is too hard to ignore.
You’ll Catch Vomit in Your Hands
One of the classic mom moments involves catching your child’s vomit in your bare hands to prevent a bigger mess. Sure, it’s not glamorous, but it’s easier to clean your hands than the sheets, the couch, or the floor at Target. You’ll hold warm, slimy puke and won’t even flinch—because you’ve become a master of gross.
You’ll Suck Snot Out of Little Noses
Enter the NoseFrida, a tool that can only be described as both brilliant and disgusting. You’ll find yourself sucking snot out of your baby’s nose, all while praying there’s a barrier between you and the mucus. The noise of snot might have once made you cringe, but now you’re barking orders at your partner to hold the baby still so you can do your job.
You’ll Explore the Depths of Ears
If you’re lucky enough to have kids who inherit their father’s propensity for earwax, you’ll become a pro at cleaning it out. Armed with Q-tips, you’ll scrape the sticky mess from their ears, all while they smile blissfully. Your non-mom self would have fainted at the thought, but now it’s just another day in the life.
You’ll End Up Covered in Blood
Prepare yourself for the moment when your child gets hurt in a way that makes your heart race. You won’t just get a little blood on your hands; you’ll likely end up with it all over your clothes and face as you rush them to the ER for stitches. Being okay with blood? That’s just the beginning.
You’ll Wipe Snot Off Their Faces with Your Hand
When a blob of mucus is hanging off your kid’s lip and you lack a wipe, you’ll instinctively swipe it off with your hand, shaking it off and calling it a day. To your pre-mom self, this would have been utterly revolting, but now it’s just another part of your daily routine.
You’ll Clean Up Messes of Epic Proportions
Remember those wild obstacle courses on game shows? As a mom, you’ll frequently find yourself cleaning up the aftermath of your own version of that course—scrubbing avocado from neck folds and spaghetti sauce from tiny ears. What once would have made you gag is now just another bath time ritual.
Did you think you had a strong stomach? Motherhood will certainly test and strengthen it. It’s a beautiful journey filled with joy, wonder, and love. But let’s be honest—it’s also a messy, disgusting adventure that you’ll embrace wholeheartedly.
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In summary, motherhood is a rollercoaster of gross but ultimately rewarding experiences. You’ll find yourself adapting to the mess, and while it may have once disgusted you, it will now feel like just another day in your life as a mom.