Imagine a scenario: a man approaches a woman at a bar, where she is happily engaged in conversation with her friends. He sidles up, introduces himself, and offers her a drink. Despite her repeated assertion, “I’m just here to hang out with my friends,” he persists with his “get to know you” questions, disregarding her disinterest and her friends’ eye rolls. Finally, she sighs, “I have a boyfriend.” He reluctantly retreats, hands raised defensively, muttering, “It’s cool, it’s cool. I got it.”
This type of encounter is all too common. Many women have had to use the “boyfriend excuse” as a means to fend off unwanted advances. While some men approach women respectfully, too many exhibit a troubling tendency to ignore boundaries. This behavior is not just disheartening; it’s downright frightening, and it stems from a deep-rooted sense of ownership and entitlement.
The horrors of this mindset manifest in grotesque ways. Consider the tragic news reports of men who resort to violence when their advances are spurned. We see it in the cases of men who harm their partners or lash out at women who reject them, indicating a horrifying belief that they possess some claim over women’s bodies and choices.
This pervasive attitude is woven throughout our society, subtly communicated through our interactions. It permeates our language, traditions, and even our laws—implying that women are mere property, subject to the whims of men. The practice of marrying daughters off like commodities, the relentless categorization of women into narrow roles, and even the expectation that women should look or act a certain way, all contribute to this culture of ownership.
It’s not just the persistent guy at the bar. It’s the man who instructs a woman to smile, as if her expression is a performance for his benefit. It’s the catcaller who believes he has a right to comment on a woman’s appearance, expecting a response that aligns with his desires. The disdain for women who exhibit assertiveness or who dare to express anger is another manifestation of this entitlement—yet it’s the women who are labeled as “unladylike” or “trashy” for simply being themselves.
This sense of ownership extends to all facets of life. It’s the “friend zone,” where men feel entitled to a woman’s affection simply because they’ve been nice. It’s the trolls who attack women with large online platforms, feeling threatened by their presence and attempting to silence them. It’s the judgment faced by women breastfeeding in public, as if their bodies should only serve as objects of desire rather than as nurturing vessels.
Women are often expected to fulfill specific roles—being pleasing in appearance, speaking softly, and acting demurely—while simultaneously accommodating the shifting standards set by men. Our bodies are seen as commodities, our sexuality as fodder for others. Our autonomy is routinely undermined, and our experiences minimized.
This culture of ownership is not just an abstract concept; it has real-world implications. It leads to harassment, assault, and a systemic disregard for women’s rights. It teaches young girls that their worth is tied to how they look or how they please men, while boys learn that they are entitled to act on their desires without regard for consent.
We must challenge this narrative. Women are not objects, trophies, or conquests. We are individuals with our own desires, thoughts, and agency. We deserve to be heard, respected, and valued beyond the confines of someone else’s ownership.
As we move forward, it’s crucial to amplify this message. Help us recognize the subtle forms of ownership when they arise, whether it’s through inappropriate comments, dismissive attitudes, or outright violence. Support one another in creating a culture of respect and understanding.
For those interested in the journey of motherhood, you might want to check out this post on home insemination. There are also resources available, like Cryobaby’s home intracervical insemination kit, which provide excellent information on the process. For a deeper understanding of assisted reproductive technologies, this Wikipedia page on in vitro fertilisation is a fantastic resource.
In summary, we are not here for anyone else’s whims. We are not defined by others. By recognizing and dismantling the culture of ownership, we pave the way for a more equitable future for everyone.