I have a tendency to overshare — it’s just part of who I am. Sometimes, I feel the urge to spill my thoughts even in the simplest conversations, leading to some unexpected and intriguing discussions. Recently, I met someone in a professional setting who began chatting about life in general — kids, vacations, the usual pleasantries. When she inquired about my marital status, I responded with my standard line: “No, but my ex and I maintain a relationship. We’re together in a sense, but we don’t live together.”
Her expression mirrored the confusion I often receive. Many people struggle to grasp this unconventional arrangement, especially since we come from different generational backgrounds. She then remarked, “That’s quite an arrangement. With so many divorces these days, it seems like broken homes are the norm. No one stays together anymore.”
The words “dysfunctional” and “broken” struck a nerve. Why have we allowed divorce to be synonymous with dysfunction? It’s a troubling notion that I can’t shake.
The idea that divorce indicates a dysfunctional family or a broken home should not be accepted. While there may be temporary feelings of hurt or confusion during a divorce, these are not descriptors of how families actually operate. Such labels are outdated and damaging, especially now that divorce is so common. It’s high time we stop using terms like “dysfunctional” and “broken” to define families that don’t fit the traditional mold.
My family certainly isn’t dysfunctional, nor is it broken. My child deserves to understand that. If my ex and I had remained in an unhealthy marriage, marked by constant arguments and tension, wouldn’t that have been the real dysfunction? Now, she enjoys the benefit of having two loving parents, each with their own home. Yes, there are challenges to navigate, and we had our concerns when we made this significant change. Still, she thrives in a family that functions well, despite being labeled as “divorced.”
Sure, there are emotional wounds from the separation, but those wounds heal; they do not remain broken forever. Let’s avoid calling anything broken. Our new situation is not dysfunctional. It’s essential to move beyond the quest for a perfect family dynamic — perfection simply doesn’t exist.
Everyone adapts because we must. Those of us who have experienced separation or divorce learn to function. It’s not always easy, and it can get messy, but let’s not pretend that all marriages are perfect, either.
Divorce is a process of redefining, not a descent into dysfunction. As parents, we are acutely aware of how divorce impacts our children. However, we don’t need to reinforce negative stereotypes. The narrative shouldn’t be that we gave up easily or that we didn’t try hard enough. Only we know the complexities of our decisions, and how to thrive in our new normal.
This perspective extends to families who have remarried or blended families. They are beautiful, unique units. They may not always resemble the idealized image we see at kids’ soccer games or family vacations, but they can function beautifully in their own right.
Love is what truly matters. Love for our children drives our decisions, and the last thing we want is for them to feel “broken” or “dysfunctional.” Can we collectively do better? Can we view divorce with understanding, acknowledging that each family is doing the best they can? Many of my friends grew up in divorced households and are doing remarkably well; they are far from broken.
Every family possesses its own beauty. They’re all unique and functional in their own ways. They don’t require perfection — just love.
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In summary, let’s celebrate the unique structures of our families, acknowledging that love is the cornerstone of functionality, regardless of traditional definitions.