I adore caffeine so much that I’d endure just about anything rather than part with it. Last week proved this truth in a rather dramatic fashion. I’ve long dealt with heart PVCs—those benign “extra beats” that pop up occasionally, usually triggered by excessive alcohol, intense workouts, stress, and yes, an abundance of caffeine.
A couple of weeks ago, I was juggling several of these stressors and made the poor choice to down a sizable glass of iced tea during lunch with my 5-year-old. We were taking a break from our usual routine, treating ourselves to pedicures at a spot that generously offers free M&Ms. A quick note to businesses: forget expensive marketing strategies; just lay out free candy, and I’ll find myself shopping for things I don’t need.
As I sat there in the pedicure chair, munching away on chocolate (more caffeine, mind you), my heart began to act up. I started experiencing PVCs every 20 minutes, an alarming first for me. This cycle of stress triggered more PVCs, which led me to consume even more chocolate to soothe my anxiety. I discovered some unpleasant truths about myself in that pedicure chair: 1) Trying to remain calm often backfires, and 2) I have zero self-control when it comes to free candy, even when it feels like my heart might explode.
That pedicure was the most unrelaxing experience of my life. The only silver lining was my doctor’s appointment the very next day.
The following day, as I sat in the sterile office, my doctor reassured me that my heart was perfectly fine. But she added, “Welcome to getting older”—a comment I did not appreciate. She suggested I should likely cut back on caffeine, as it had clearly become a significant trigger for my PVCs. It felt akin to telling me to stop breathing or to abandon the very act of eating altogether. I left her office pondering how to share this devastating news with my family.
Eating, breathing, and caffeine: these are the lifelines that allow me to enjoy my time on this planet. Without caffeine, I morphed into an irritable version of myself, finding pleasure only in making those around me equally miserable. I lost appreciation for kittens, babies, and even the sunshine that seemed intent on blinding me. By my first caffeine-free day, I was so exhausted and suffering from a throbbing headache that I convinced myself the irregular heartbeat wasn’t worth worrying about.
Yet, I soldiered on—if I didn’t, I feared my husband wouldn’t manage the daily chaos without me. I made it six days without caffeine. My kids will probably reminisce about this period in therapy one day.
“Doc, I think my startle reflex developed during the week Mom decided we could survive without her chai tea.”
“I suspect that tic in my eye started when my mom thought she could live without caffeine.”
After the sixth day, much like a deity requiring a break, I realized we all needed a respite. I craved that comforting warmth of a cup in my hand, knowing that within 20-30 minutes, everything would feel manageable again. I acknowledged my caffeine dependency, and honestly, I didn’t care.
I did manage to significantly reduce my intake, and so far, no PVCs have returned, providing a glimmer of hope. I’ll keep an eye on it and try to act responsibly, so please give me a break.
However, I can’t promise I’ll ever completely abandon caffeine again—life is too short to forgo the pleasures we cherish. I love you, caffeine. I regret the tiff we had.
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In summary, my brief experience of giving up caffeine was nothing short of a rollercoaster. While I cut back and my heart responded positively, I learned that balance is key. The joy that caffeine brings to my life is undeniable, and I’m not ready to part ways completely.