Let me clarify right from the start: it’s not entirely his fault. My son has always had his sister, who is just a year younger, as his constant companion. He’s never experienced what it’s like to play solo, to immerse himself in his imagination without someone else around. While I empathize with his situation, I can’t help but draw comparisons to his sister, who effortlessly plays with her dolls in her room without needing any prompting. If she can entertain herself, why can’t he? This dilemma leaves me perplexed, and honestly, it’s exhausting having a child who relies on others for amusement.
The hardest part is his heart-wrenching plea of “No one will play with me.” Those words pierce through me, making me feel an overwhelming wave of guilt. I really don’t want to feel that way. I have valid reasons for not being able to engage with him at all times: chores, work commitments, phone calls, preparing dinner, and sometimes just trying to find my own sanity. Still, when my beloved son appears so dejected and is simply asking for companionship, it’s difficult to shake off that heavy mom guilt.
I’ve made an effort to introduce activities that encourage independent play, like coloring, Play-Doh, puzzles, and building blocks. He enjoys these for a short period, but inevitably, he turns to me and asks, “Mommy, want to play with me?” Unfortunately, my answer of “Not right now, sweetheart” doesn’t sit well with him. He doesn’t understand that I sometimes need a breather and that solo play can be liberating—it means no sharing, no waiting for turns, just pure, unfiltered fun.
But for him, the concept of playing alone is foreign, and it’s draining for both of us. I engage with him as often as I can, participating in endless conversations with stuffed animals and rolling balls back and forth. I indulge in his imaginative escapades and read stories inside his blanket fort. I do all of this because I love him and want him to feel valued, despite the demands of everyday life. It’s a challenge to say no to a child who adores your presence, especially when there are pressing matters awaiting my attention.
I want him to understand that he is cherished, enjoyable, and worthy of attention, but I also need him to learn how to be independent. He needs to explore his thoughts, pursue activities alone, and discover the joy that comes with some autonomy. Yet, teaching a young child to appreciate solitude is no easy task. How do you instill a sense of enjoyment in being by oneself when they are accustomed to a constant playmate? When all he desires is someone to laugh and share moments with, how can he learn to find peace in solitude?
I recognize the importance of fostering independent play. I know I can’t always drop everything to join him in a game of pirates. I understand that his sister needs her own space, and I can’t compel her to entertain him. But overcoming the guilt associated with telling my child I’m too busy to play is a hurdle I haven’t managed to clear yet. I’m still searching for that balance and hoping to find it soon because, honestly, I’m not sure how much longer I can endure these block-building sessions.
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In summary, while it’s challenging to encourage my son to play independently, I’m committed to finding the right balance between engaging with him and allowing him the space to learn how to entertain himself. The journey is ongoing, and I hope to navigate it with grace and understanding.