I appreciate a stylish throw pillow as much as anyone else. The charming shabby chic aesthetic and the allure of an open floor plan resonate with me. It’s entertaining to chat about shiplap, even if I’m not entirely sure what it entails. Shiplap, shiplap, SHIPLAP! And let’s not forget the excitement of a good before-and-after renovation.
These aspects are precisely why HGTV has captured our hearts. We enjoy witnessing the transformation of spaces, dreaming of owning picturesque waterfront properties like those featured on Beachfront Bargain Hunt. We take pleasure in critiquing the high-maintenance homeowners and observing the marital spats between the show’s hosts. There’s a certain thrill in peering into the lives and homes of others.
However, I’ve recently found myself puzzled: What on earth is happening on HGTV?
Is this reality? Do individuals genuinely reside in tiny homes devoid of closets and fold-down sinks? How can a couple selling camel milk and eco-friendly clothing afford a million-dollar beachfront property? And what’s with the constant complaints? It seems someone is perpetually disgruntled—either the homeowners lamenting their 5,000-square-foot residence for feeling “too cramped,” or the developers clashing with contractors, or couples at each other’s throats during renovations that feel like a nightmare on shows like Property Brothers.
HGTV, what’s your deal? You portray renovations as a walk in the park when they are anything but. You use the term “bargain,” but what you really mean is “expensive as all get-out.” You depict flipping houses as an enjoyable “side project,” yet the reality involves diving deep into debt, living in a cloud of dust for months, and surviving on ramen noodles for an entire year.
Now, Joanna Gaines—the queen of shabby chic, upcycling, and DIY projects—is selling throw pillows for $90! Yes, you read that right. Nearly two Benjamins for a couple of pillows that your kids will toss on the floor or that your dog will use as a scratching post. And an area rug priced at $2,300? I need a moment to recover from the sheer absurdity of that.
A friend of mine, Lisa, recently recounted an episode of Beachfront Bargain Hunt where a couple sought a $350,000 second home in Hawaii. Excuse me? If you can afford a $350,000 secondary residence, you shouldn’t be on a show with “bargain” in the title. Let’s face it—you’ve never uttered the word “bargain” in your life.
Seriously, HGTV, just go home. You’re clearly intoxicated.
Remember the classic show Trading Spaces, where neighbors would redecorate each other’s homes for a few hundred dollars? That was a blast! Sure, there were moments of drama, but for the most part, it was a fun ride that might even give us practical decorating tips. Can we please have more of that? (Good news—it’s making a comeback!)
Whenever I tune into HGTV, I’m often left feeling utterly baffled. Do families with children really live in 300-square-foot tiny homes? Or annoyed at the affluent folks who are dissatisfied because their million-dollar mansion lacks a rain shower in the fourth bathroom? Or simply dejected about my own home, which feels like a disaster in comparison. Before watching HGTV, I had never even heard of a “drop zone,” but now I feel like I need one for all our shoes, coats, and random clutter.
In stark contrast to the pristine homes on Property Brothers and the perfectly styled spaces on Fixer Upper, my family room resembles a chaotic Lego battlefield. The pictures on the wall are askew, and there’s even a poster of a donkey taped up—not the human kind, mind you (don’t ask). Just a few minutes of watching Rafterhouse, and I’m left hating every aspect of my home, questioning my life choices, and racing to Home Depot to embark on DIY projects like fire pits, bar carts, and rustic bookshelves. I crave all the chalk paint!
But here’s the truth: I’m terrible at decorating, and as I grow older, I care less and less. My home looks less like a West Elm catalog and more like the clearance section at Target and Toys “R” Us. And honestly? I don’t give a flying fig. Sure, I enjoy a stylish throw pillow, but I can grab some adorable ones at Target for just $12. Plus, I can buy them without even putting on pants or a bra. And let’s be real: shiplap sounds way more fun to say than it is to actually install.
Still, I wouldn’t mind having a drop zone. And a second home by the beach wouldn’t hurt either.
Summary:
In this piece, I reflect on the absurdities of HGTV programming and question the reality of their portrayals. While I admire the design aesthetics and transformations, I find the disconnect between the realities of homeownership and what’s depicted on television quite stark. The show often presents an unrealistic view of renovations and home buying, leaving viewers feeling bewildered and inadequate. Ultimately, I embrace my imperfect home while dreaming of a few stylish upgrades.