When my little boy turned two, he was content in his crib, blissfully unaware of the impending changes suggested by a well-meaning friend. “Isn’t it time for a real bed?” she asked, throwing me into a mild panic. I had never even considered that crib sleeping could have a time limit. Sure, I figured he wasn’t going to head off to college still using it, but even if he did, wouldn’t that be better than a dorm bed?
Honestly, I was unbothered. My son loved his crib, and I appreciated the peace it brought. Why complicate things?
As any parent of a toddler knows, the last thing you want is to add another daunting task to your already overflowing plate. Between potty training, ensuring he eats veggies, and the daily battle of convincing him that hygiene is essential, I certainly didn’t want to introduce yet another layer of chaos.
Yet, my friend’s enthusiasm was contagious, so I succumbed. I ordered a toddler bed from Amazon, and within days, we launched into “Operation Big Boy Bed.”
I was optimistic, convinced this transition would be a breeze. “The crib isn’t that important. He’ll love this new bed. Everything will be fine!”
Spoiler alert: Things were not fine.
Unlike my friend, who provided zero insight into the challenges of a more open bedtime, I’m here to equip you with some essential questions you’ll likely face late at night, often delivered in the most whiny of voices. Here’s a taste of what you can expect:
- “Mommy, can I have a cup of water?”
- “My cup of water spilled. Can I get new blankets?”
- “I didn’t drink the water. Can I have another one?”
- “The water is hot now. May I have some ice?”
- “I drank it all. Can you help me go potty?”
- “And, just wondering, does Rapunzel have a sister?”
- “Does Mickey Mouse have a mommy? Why not? Is she dead?”
- “What happens when mouse mommies die? Are you going to die?”
- “Mommy, can you put carrots in my lunch tomorrow?”
- “No! I don’t like carrots. Can I have oranges instead?”
- “How do snakes hug each other?”
- “I hear a buzz in my fan. Are there bees?”
- “If bees sting me, will I bleed?”
- “Can I sleep in your bed? I’m scared of the bees. I don’t want to bleed in my bed.”
- “Did my sister’s penis fall off? Can my penis fall off? Can I check Daddy’s to make sure it didn’t fall off?”
- “Can I have a fruit snack? Where’s that toy dog Aunt Sissy gave me for my birthday?”
- “Is it morning now? Is it still not morning? When it’s morning, do I have to go to school?”
- “I don’t like school anymore. I want to watch a movie. What’s your favorite movie? Is it just for adults? Can I see it? Can we have popcorn?”
- “I ate popcorn last year and it made my tummy ache. Can I have some medicine?”
- “I ate some medicine. Is that okay? Just kidding, Mommy, I didn’t eat any.”
- “What color is our couch? Can I get out my Legos? I’ll be quiet, I promise.”
- “Can I play Fruit Ninja? Why is your tummy so big, Mommy? Did you eat a baby?”
- “How do babies get in your tummy? Did you eat me?”
- “I miss my dog. Can we bring him inside?”
- “The dark is too dark. My nightlight is too bright. My pillow is too squishy.”
- “What is dooooooosh? I heard “douche” on the TV.”
- “Am I your favorite boy in the world? Don’t you want to sleep in the same bed as your favorite boy?”
- “There’s a scary man in my closet, Mommy. Is that God? Does God never sleep? Is he tired? Are his eyes burning?”
- “Can I sleep like a bat, upside down? Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.”
- “Is Mommy your real name? And, last but not least, is it time to get out of bed yet?!”
This is just a glimpse into the nightly interrogations that come when you transition your child from crib to bed. If you managed to read through this list without losing your mind or grabbing a drink, kudos to you! You are a true superhero among parents, and you’re ready for this big change.
For additional insights on parenting, you might want to check out this article from our other blog. And for those exploring home insemination options, Make A Mom provides some excellent resources. You can also find valuable information on pregnancy at Mount Sinai’s infertility resources.
In summary, transitioning your child from a crib to a bed can be a challenging yet rewarding experience, filled with unexpected questions and late-night conversations that test your patience. But with preparation, you’re more than ready for this adventure.