It’s a familiar mantra we hear throughout our lives: “Share! You need to share!” But is this really the best approach to teaching our children? Are we simply echoing what we’ve been told without reflecting on the implications of this message?
Last week, Jenna Hart was at the playground with her son, Leo, who brought along some action figures to play with a friend. Upon arrival, a group of boys approached Leo, demanding that he share his toys. This prompted Jenna to take to social media to share a powerful statement that resonates with many parents.
“MY CHILD IS NOT OBLIGATED TO SHARE WITH YOURS,” she wrote emphatically.
Jenna recounted how her son was confronted by multiple kids simultaneously, insisting he share his toys. When Leo looked at her, clearly overwhelmed, she reassured him, “You can say no, Leo. Just tell them no. You don’t owe them any explanation.” When Leo responded with a firm no, the boys rushed over to Jenna to complain. Her reply was straightforward: “He doesn’t have to share with you. If he chooses to share, that’s his decision.”
This stance earned her some judgmental looks from other parents, but Jenna explained her reasoning in her now widely-shared post, and it’s absolutely valid:
“If I, as an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, would I be required to share it with strangers? Absolutely not! Would a polite adult reach out and take my sandwich, then get upset if I pulled it away? No way!”
She raises an important point. Who really lacks manners here? Is it the child who is hesitant to give away his few toys to a crowd of strangers, or the group demanding ownership of something that doesn’t belong to them?
While it’s essential to teach our kids about sharing, the lesson should not be about self-sacrifice at all costs. Just because another child desires something doesn’t automatically mean it must be relinquished. For instance, if I secure a sought-after window seat at my favorite cafe, I wouldn’t just give it up to the first person who looks at it longingly. Yet, this is the very lesson we might be imparting to our children by insisting they always share.
“The goal should be to equip our children to navigate adult life,” Jenna articulates. “I know adults who have never learned to share, but I know even more who struggle with saying ‘no’ or establishing boundaries. I include myself in that group.”
This is a crucial point. Many of us grapple with the inability to set limits or prioritize our needs. Are we unintentionally teaching our children that their needs should always come second? There’s a distinction between a child who refuses to share and one who simply isn’t finished enjoying a toy.
Jenna encourages all parents to remember: “The next time your child complains about another kid not sharing, remind yourself that we don’t live in a world where it’s practical to give away everything we have just because someone else wants it. I won’t be teaching my child that this is how life operates.”
So, let’s rethink our approach to sharing and guide our children towards understanding boundaries and self-respect.
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In summary, it’s essential to teach children about sharing without compromising their sense of ownership and boundaries. We should guide them in understanding that it’s okay to say no while still embracing generosity in appropriate contexts.