Picture this: a divorced couple, sitting side by side at their child’s sporting event, beaming with pride. Just kidding! That’s not my reality at all. I don’t have a snapshot of my ex and me together at any of our child’s games because, quite frankly, we never sat together, and I never thought to capture that moment for social media.
In recent years, social media has been flooded with heartwarming posts showcasing divorced parents who have managed to come together as a united front for their children. These images undoubtedly inspire hope for those navigating the choppy waters of divorce and worrying about their kids’ well-being.
However, these posts often attract a slew of comments, such as:
- “Aw…lucky kids!”
- “That’s how it should be for all divorced couples!”
- “If only everyone could set aside their differences!”
- “This is what happens when people take the high road!”
- “It’s too bad some people are too selfish to do this.”
If you find yourself in the same boat as I am—without a warm friendship with your ex—you might wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” Let me reassure you: nothing at all.
Ironically, many of those who criticize us for not being friends with our exes are merely spectators, believing they have the answer to what’s best for everyone involved. But the truth is, we are the only ones who truly understand what works for us and our families. For some, that may mean sitting apart at games or limiting communication to emails and texts. It could also mean celebrating special occasions with the kids but not with the ex. Being civil, polite, and keeping interactions strictly professional can be the healthiest choice.
No one has the right to judge how you handle the complexities of post-divorce parenting unless you’re actually harmful to your children—like speaking negatively about your ex in front of them or using them as pawns in disputes. Those are the real issues, but they’re obvious, right?
If you’ve chosen to maintain a friendship with your ex, great! That can be incredibly beneficial for your children. On the flip side, if you prefer to keep things cordial but not friendly, that’s equally commendable and can be just as good for your kids. Both scenarios can be healthy for their well-being.
Remember, you can never fully grasp the intricacies behind a marriage’s breakdown unless you’ve lived through it. Each divorce has its unique circumstances, and thus it’s misguided to impose a one-size-fits-all solution. Some of you may have had amicable separations where both parties decided together that it was best to part ways. Maintaining a friendship may come easier in such cases.
However, not all divorces are peaceful. Some resemble a devastating storm that leaves chaos in its wake. Once the dust settles, you may not feel like the same person, and trust is hard to rebuild. Choosing friends after such an experience becomes crucial; you seek those who genuinely have your and your children’s best interests at heart. By opting not to pursue a friendship with someone who has caused you pain, you teach your children valuable lessons about consequences and the importance of treating others with respect.
While we’ll continue to see those idyllic images of ex-couples harmoniously supporting their children, it’s essential for those of you who don’t relate to that narrative to know that you’re doing just fine.
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Summary:
Co-parenting doesn’t require a friendship with your ex. Whether you choose to maintain a civil relationship or a friendly one, what matters is the well-being of your children. Every divorce is different, and it’s crucial to navigate this new chapter in a way that works for your family.