Dinnertime was once a battleground in my home. By the end of the day, I was drained of energy, running on fumes of patience since the afternoon. My son, a picky eater, turned dinner into a relentless struggle. He could devour breakfast and lunch without a hitch, but come dinner time, it became a test of wills.
Each mouthful had to be chewed meticulously, sometimes lingering in his mouth for an agonizing ten minutes as I urged him to swallow. Why do families endure this nightly ritual?
Sitting together for dinner had become my least favorite part of the day. In a moment of desperation, I even contemplated installing a small flap in his bedroom door, so I could slide his food through while enjoying my own meal free from rising blood pressure.
We explored every avenue. Timers only increased his anxiety, making him more preoccupied with the countdown than with eating. Threatening to withhold dessert didn’t change his behavior; it merely added a new layer of tantrums to an already stressful situation. Even preparing a separate meal he liked didn’t yield the desired results.
It eventually dawned on me that both my son and I were exhausted by this nightly ordeal. I needed to find a solution that would not only relieve our frustration but also make dinner a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved.
So, I decided to set aside my instincts and rules, opting instead to create a more relaxed atmosphere around mealtime. For breakfast and lunch, I ensured he filled up on nutritious foods, which he devoured with ease. When it came to dinner, I served smaller portions of the family meal alongside one item I knew would excite him: dessert.
I offered him the choice to eat dessert whenever he wished, even first if he preferred. I made it clear that the dinner portions were smaller than usual, and he could request more if he finished what was on his plate. Furthermore, I established that once dinner was done, it was done—no lingering at the table for hours.
As expected, he dove into dessert first. Initially, he looked around as if waiting for the new rule to be revoked. When I reassured him it was fine, I gently encouraged him to try other foods. To my surprise, he cleaned his plate without a fuss. While he didn’t ask for more vegetables, he did reach for additional food when he was finished. By the time the rest of us wrapped up our meal, he had too.
No tears. No tantrums. And it took a fraction of the time compared to what we were used to. It was a game changer—a genuinely pleasant family meal.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I recognized that dinner time was often a source of stress for my parents as well. I had my own aversions to vegetables and used to play with my food endlessly. Forcing me to eat things I didn’t want never made them any more appealing. The rigid rules surrounding dessert only added to my dread, making dinner feel less like a family gathering and more like an obligation.
Allowing my son to eat dessert first has alleviated his anxiety about finishing meals, as he no longer sees it as a prerequisite for a reward. He feels empowered to make his own food choices, which has significantly reduced our conflicts. The endless chewing was likely a stalling tactic, and I wish I had recognized it sooner to spare us both the distress.
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Summary
Allowing my son to eat dessert first transformed our dinnertime experience from a source of stress into a joyful family occasion. By shifting the focus and giving him choices, we eliminated battles and fostered a more relaxed environment around meals.