50 Shades of Gross: When Your Child Becomes a Booger Connoisseur

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A few years back, my family visited some friends, and while our kids played together, I stepped into the kitchen for a quick drink. To my horror, I discovered my child’s grimy socks crumpled on the kitchen counter. You might think this behavior is typical of a young child, but my kid was ten. Yes, ten years old.

Regrettably, that’s just one of many instances highlighting my children’s less-than-charming habits. Despite considering myself somewhat refined, our family enjoys a good laugh at fart jokes, but that’s where our uncouth behavior typically ends. My husband and I have made a concerted effort to instill good manners and hygiene in our kids. Yet, I fear we might be losing the battle.

One of my children—who shall remain unnamed—had a habit of picking their nose and wiping the evidence on their pillow every night. When laundry day arrived, I was met with a shocking sight: a veritable forest of dried boogers on their pillowcase. Delightful, right?

All of our kids went through the nose-picking phase, despite our diligent teaching on using tissues and our constant reminders to keep their fingers out of their noses. We even resorted to handwashing when we caught them in the act. Yet, they persisted. It gets worse: on occasion, we caught them in the act of not just picking but also consuming their findings. Just writing that sentence makes me feel a little queasy!

I vividly recall one incident in a crowded restaurant when one of my kids, just four years old at the time, was digging deep into their nostrils. I told them to stop, and they complied—only to promptly pop that booger into their mouth. It felt like time slowed as I desperately urged them to grab a tissue. “Nooooo!” I thought, mortified by the spectacle unfolding before me.

I often wonder where we went wrong. Are children inherently gross? Does it take years of patient training to cultivate acceptable behavior? Are our kids just on the messier side of normal? Adding to my stress is the judgment I feel from others, who assume it’s our fault for our children’s caveman-like antics. Each time they engage in something distasteful, I want to shout, “I PROMISE we didn’t raise them like this!”

The silver lining is that we’ve managed to raise one child into her teenage years without public embarrassment—quite the opposite, in fact. Our middle-schooler has also improved significantly, so maybe our parenting is paying off in the long run.

Recently, a friend’s son visited and left his dirty socks on our dining table. He’s also ten, and my first instinct was disgust, followed by relief that we’re not the only family grappling with these issues.

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In summary, while the journey of parenting might be filled with gross moments, it’s also peppered with laughter and learning. As our kids grow, we can only hope they outgrow their more unsavory habits and embrace civility.