Like many reasonable folks, I have a serious affection for coffee. Yes, I’ll admit it—I’m a coffee connoisseur. Go ahead and chuckle or mock me with your sugary concoctions. I can wait. I’ll be right here savoring my expertly brewed cup of Uzuri African blend, indulging in the rich aroma that speaks of the Sahara.
Before you throw your coffee sleeve at me, let me clarify. Being a coffee connoisseur doesn’t mean I’m a master, nor do I judge others for their coffee preferences. I grew up with a basic Mr. Coffee brewing canned Folgers every morning at 6:30 a.m. My mom needed her heavy black coffee to function. When I dared to take a sip, it felt like swallowing battery acid mixed with dirty socks. I simply could not fathom why anyone would voluntarily consume such a brew daily.
My first full cup of coffee didn’t happen until my mid-20s, when I stumbled into work with a brutal hangover. A kind colleague handed me a chipped mug and guided me to the coffee maker. That initial sip was a struggle, but it jolted me out of my vodka-induced haze. By the end of the day, I was fired up and hooked. After a few months of drinking whatever mediocre coffee I could find, my taste buds started to rebel. If I was going to drink coffee, I might as well enjoy the good stuff. This is where my coffee obsession took root.
I don’t own a fancy kettle or high-end grinder, nor do I subscribe to coffee publications or follow coffee blogs. However, I am curious about where my beans originate and how they are roasted. I’ve been known to describe a brew as “aromatic with a hint of cherry wood” in a playful Italian accent. (Okay, maybe just the description part.) Honestly, there’s something about a perfect cup of coffee that makes me feel cared for, engaged, and, for a little while, invincible. If that qualifies me as a snob, so be it. Want to know if you’re a coffee connoisseur too? If you find yourself nodding along to the following, welcome to the club:
1. I refuse to drink just any coffee, even in dire circumstances.
I won’t settle for mediocre coffee, even when I’m desperate for caffeine. At home, I’ll patiently wait for the perfect brew (see number 2 below). If I’m heading out for an espresso drink, I’d rather endure a prolonged caffeine withdrawal than compromise on quality.
2. Brewing coffee at home is a cherished ritual.
I rely on my trusty AeroPress, which means boiling water, assembling my gear, measuring the grounds, and patiently waiting for the coffee to drip through. I use one of three specific mugs that my family knows are off-limits. I sweeten it just right and add a splash of milk (true connoisseurs wouldn’t add extras, by the way), close my eyes, and take a blissful sip. Those moments with my hot coffee are pure joy. (Disclaimer: My spouse usually brews my morning coffee, which makes it even better.)
3. I seek out destination coffee spots.
I’ll gladly go out of my way to visit a favorite café. Coffee enthusiasts can be quite social. Finding a café with great coffee, skilled baristas, and a warm atmosphere is worth a few extra miles. Plus, there’s something special about a barista who knows your order before you even say a word.
4. I understand the terminology (mostly).
I can explain the differences between a latte and a cappuccino, a flat white and a caffe breve, and I know that the crema on a serious espresso has nothing to do with dairy. That said, I’m also perfectly content with a high-quality, no-frills brewed coffee. Just not Folgers.
5. I never buy ground coffee.
After about five days, coffee starts to lose its freshness, no matter how well it’s stored. Plus, who knows how long it has been sitting on the shelf? Without a high-end grinder, I simply ask the barista to grind the right amount of beans for me. Many grocery stores have grinders available in the coffee aisle.
6. I have one word for Starbucks: respect.
While my coffee palate has matured, I owe a debt of gratitude to Starbucks for introducing me to the joys of good espresso. The same year I became a coffee lover, a Starbucks opened near me, and it changed everything. Anyone who claims Pumpkin Spice Lattes aren’t amazing or doesn’t swoon over a White Peppermint Mocha is not being honest.
So yes, I embrace my identity as a coffee connoisseur, and I know there are others out there like me. If you’re curious about other aspects of home brewing and related topics, you can check out this helpful resource for more information. For more insights on home insemination, visit this page. And don’t forget to explore the impregnator for authoritative tips.
In summary, if you find yourself relating to these traits, you might just be a coffee connoisseur too!