Every year around this time, articles and social media posts emerge urging mothers to remember those for whom Mother’s Day may be painful. This growing trend suggests that mothers should step back to accommodate those who have faced loss.
As someone who has experienced life as a child without a mother, and having spent two decades estranged from mine before her passing shortly after we reunited, I understand the complexity of emotions surrounding this day. I have also endured the heartache of infertility, longing for motherhood while navigating the adoption process. I recognize that Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of loss for many.
However, I can’t shake the feeling that much of the criticism surrounding Mother’s Day may stem from underlying sexism. Here are a few points to consider:
- Marginalization of Mothers: While it may not be apparent to those without children—who may feel inconvenienced by strollers in public spaces or children disrupting their outings—mothers in the U.S. are often marginalized. We face a lack of guaranteed paid maternity leave and exorbitant childcare costs, which frequently compel one parent, often the mother, to step back from their career due to financial constraints.
- Father’s Day Lack of Scrutiny: In stark contrast, Father’s Day doesn’t face the same level of criticism. My social media feeds aren’t flooded with reminders to be sensitive to fatherless children during that time. This day was created to celebrate fathers, and it enjoys a level of respect that Mother’s Day often does not.
- Micromanaging a Celebration of Women: Mother’s Day is one of the few secular holidays dedicated to women that invites scrutiny and second-guessing. Other holidays, like Veterans Day, allow those who don’t belong to the group being celebrated to step aside gracefully, without the same demands for inclusivity that Mother’s Day seems to attract.
- Exclusion in Other Celebrations: The U.S. calendar is filled with observances that cater to specific groups, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Runners don’t face backlash for their marathons that block streets, and children are not asked to limit their joy during school breaks just because adults do not receive the same time off. We should allow certain groups their special days without demanding total inclusion.
- Conflicting Expectations for Mothers: Mothers are inundated with mixed messages on how to fulfill our roles. We receive conflicting advice from experts and are targeted by corporations seeking to profit from our desires. Now, we are also told how to celebrate Mother’s Day because of those who may feel excluded, adding another layer of scrutiny that few other groups must face during their designated holidays.
Mother’s Day has roots in feminist movements, from ancient celebrations of mother goddesses to Julia Ward Howe’s 19th-century call for mothers to advocate for peace. It provides an opportunity for mothers to unite and support each other, offering a moment of reflection amidst the chaos of family life.
While the topic of motherhood may be sensitive for many, I believe it’s crucial to honor those experiences without diminishing the joy of mothers and families who wish to celebrate. We can acknowledge the complexities of motherhood while ensuring that Mother’s Day remains a time for appreciation, free from guilt or division.
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In summary, while it’s important to be sensitive to those who may be struggling on Mother’s Day, it is equally vital to celebrate the mothers who deserve recognition without feeling guilt-ridden. This day can be a time of joy and support for families, and we should embrace that.