Parenting
Growing up, my family was always on the move. By the time I reached my tenth birthday, I had lived in several places, with each stint lasting no more than two years. My father’s job frequently required relocating, and my brothers and I became accustomed to hearing, “Great news, kids! We’re off on another adventure!” But that adventure often meant I was the new kid at school, my belongings packed away for what felt like an eternity, and my social life disrupted once again.
While I learned to make friends quickly and adapt to new environments, I secretly yearned for a sense of permanence. I fantasized about having a home where I could store my belongings and reminisce about them years later. I envied those kids who attended school with the same peers from kindergarten through high school, and I longed for the kind of family support system that included aunts, uncles, and grandparents living just a short drive away.
Determined to give my future children the stability I craved, I resolved that when I grew up, I would plant my family tree firmly in one place and never move again. So, when my father announced during my college years that he and my mother were relocating across the country with my two younger brothers, I made a pivotal decision. I chose to stay put and nurture the life I was building in my college town. Though my parents were supportive, guilt lingered heavily. It was a tough decision to live far from family, but I had met my husband and felt ready to establish the roots I had always desired.
Living far from family has its challenges. Holiday gatherings can be complicated to coordinate, and you often miss out on the everyday moments of your relatives’ lives. Although technology like texting and video calls has improved connectivity, it can still feel isolating to scroll through social media and see family events that you can’t attend due to the distance. However, having family spread across the country also brings some unexpected benefits:
- No Unannounced Visits: While I love my family dearly, let’s be honest—nobody relishes early morning visits before coffee. When family lives far away, visits are planned in advance, allowing for proper preparation. I can stock up on their favorite snacks, and they won’t catch me in my pajamas, frantically tidying up the house.
- Sweeter Reunions: The excitement my children feel when we plan our annual winter trip to see their grandparents is palpable. They eagerly communicate with their grandparents in the weeks leading up to the visit, sharing memories and discussing activities. These trips are filled with cherished traditions, making our time together even more special.
- Building Our Own Village: With grandparents living out of town, we quickly realized that if we wanted to navigate the challenges of parenting, we needed to lean on friends and neighbors. Our community has become our support system, forming bonds that run deep. While we would have friends even if family lived closer, our friendships have deepened due to our reliance on each other.
- Creating Our Unique Family Culture: Although we strive to spend holidays with family, there are times when it’s just the four of us at home. And honestly, those moments can be blissful. There have been Easter afternoons spent ordering pizza and Christmas dinners enjoyed with cereal under the tree. Being distanced from family has allowed us to strengthen our connections within our nuclear family, establishing traditions that our children will carry into adulthood.
While being far from family has its difficulties, it also comes with unanticipated joys. Yes, the logistical challenges—like the expense of holiday travel for four or navigating medical emergencies—can be daunting. But I’m thankful I chose to nurture my own little family tree because it has grown strong and extended beyond what I ever imagined. For more insights on family life and parenting, check out this related post on home insemination.
In summary, while living away from family can be tough, it fosters independence and strengthens the bonds within your immediate family. Embracing the distance can lead to deeper friendships and meaningful traditions.