There are few things more unsettling for a parent than hearing the words, “Could we speak for a moment… in private?” My heart sinks as the preschool teacher motions for me to step outside while my daughter plays in the supervised area. Parents with their cheerful toddlers stroll past, and I find myself awkwardly pressed against a wall, trying to gather my thoughts.
“There was a biting incident today,” the teacher begins. Her sympathetic gaze tells me everything—I already know my daughter was the one who bit someone. I stand there, speechless, feeling a mix of humiliation and disbelief. My youngest child, who I thought was sweet and gentle, is now labeled as a biter. The shame washes over me. What have I done wrong?
It’s one of those moments in parenting when you feel like everything you’ve worked hard to instill in your child is overshadowed by a single, shocking act. Biting is one of those behaviors that, regardless of how well-behaved your child might usually be, can make you feel like a failure as a parent.
In the preschool years, biting can feel akin to stepping into the realm of the unacceptable. Here I am, grappling with the reality that my daughter, who is polite and shares her toys, is now simply known as “The Biter,” and I am “The Biter’s Mom.”
When a child bites, it’s easy to internalize their behavior and see it as a reflection of your parenting. Every misstep—whether it’s a forgotten “thank you” or, worse yet, a chomp on someone’s arm—can lead to self-doubt. Although I know that kids sometimes act out when they struggle to manage their emotions or test boundaries, logic often takes a backseat to the feelings of shame and confusion.
Rationally, I understand that biting is often an expression of frustration in toddlers. Think about it: they’re navigating a world filled with new social interactions, mastering language, and adjusting to routines like potty-training and sleeping through the night. It’s a lot for little ones to handle, and sometimes they resort to their teeth when words fail them. According to the American Psychological Association, biting is a common behavior in children aged three and under. That’s comforting, but it doesn’t erase the discomfort I feel, nor does it alleviate the worries of the other child’s parent.
Social expectations often weigh heavily on us as parents. We strive for our children to behave well, and we hope others see us as responsible caregivers. Yet, when biting occurs, it sets off an emotional response that is hard to shake. Preschoolers can sometimes seem more like unruly animals than polite members of society.
Eventually, I muster the courage to apologize to the teacher, eager to show that we emphasize communication at home. I want her to understand that my daughter is not malicious, just a typical 2-year-old navigating her feelings. I ask for details on what transpired. Was my daughter provoked? I feel the urge to defend her—and myself.
The teacher explains that while lining up, another child accidentally pushed my daughter, causing her to lose her balance, and when another child shoved her back, she resorted to biting in frustration. At least there’s a context for her behavior, but it doesn’t erase the shame I feel.
When I return to the classroom, my daughter greets me with a bright smile, showing off her block tower. “Mama!” she exclaims, hiding her face against my leg. “I was sad today.” I reassure her, stroking her hair. While I feel guilty about her actions, I don’t want to transfer my shame onto her. She’s a sweet, evolving little girl. My role is to guide her with kindness as she learns to make better choices.
Now, I must also reach out to the other child’s parent. A little understanding and forgiveness from fellow parents can make this journey a bit easier for all of us. For more insights into parenting and navigating challenges like these, check out our other blog posts at Home Insemination Kit.
Summary:
Parenting a child who bites can lead to feelings of shame and embarrassment. Understanding that biting is often a manifestation of frustration in toddlers can help parents navigate these situations. It’s essential to maintain perspective and support children as they learn to manage their emotions and behaviors.