Abstract
This article explores the complexities of parenting a non-binary child, highlighting personal experiences and societal challenges in a medical context. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and acceptance while providing resources for families navigating similar journeys.
Yesterday, I took my child, Avery, to the orthodontist for a follow-up appointment regarding their new retainer. The original retainer had been destroyed by our family dog, who unexpectedly decided to indulge in some counter surfing. Avery was heartbroken upon discovering the remnants of what was once a carefully cared-for dental appliance. After receiving a complimentary replacement, we faced the reality of needing to purchase a third retainer due to its eventual demise.
As I was completing the checkout process, I remembered that I needed to schedule an appointment for my youngest child, who, like my other children, would soon require braces. The receptionist asked for Avery’s name. I replied, “Avery,” opting not to use Avery’s birth name, as they have recently expressed joy when others mistakenly refer to them as a girl. While we’ve discussed Avery’s preference for they/them pronouns, they seem comfortable with being perceived as female for the time being.
Navigating Gender Identity
Navigating gender identity—especially for children—is often fraught with complexity. Our society frequently conflates gender with biological sex, which can lead to misunderstandings. In elementary schools, traditional practices often reinforce binary gender norms. Children are routinely lined up by gender, and teachers may inadvertently ignore non-binary identities. This can create an environment where non-binary children feel invisible or invalidated.
During our appointment, the receptionist inquired about Avery’s birthday and automatically used “his” pronoun. I hesitated, realizing it was crucial to address this misidentification. Sensing the impending conversation, Avery requested to wait in the car, a request I granted this time. With the receptionist, I quietly explained, “Avery is non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.” Her puzzled expression indicated a need for further clarification.
I continued, “Avery was assigned male at birth but presents in a way that is more aligned with femininity. However, they do not identify strictly as a girl or boy.” This conversation seemed to be new territory for her. I attempted to simplify the discussion by stating, “Avery may or may not identify as transgender; they are only eleven.” Her concern shifted to empathy as she acknowledged the challenges children face regarding gender identity.
The receptionist expressed that her practice had primarily encountered patients who firmly identified as either male or female, making Avery’s situation somewhat unprecedented for them. I tried to lighten the mood by joking, “Well, now you do! What prize do we get for being the first?” Yet, we still needed to address the matter of pronouns, as the computer system did not support options beyond the binary.
Frustration began to mount as I acknowledged my previous comments might have inadvertently suggested that Avery was too young to understand their gender identity. I quickly attempted to clarify that Avery’s understanding was valid and not merely confusion. The receptionist nodded, recognizing the complexity of the situation, and began drafting a note to inform the orthodontist of Avery’s preferences.
After navigating the intricacies of the conversation, I left the office feeling a mix of relief and regret. I had contemplated seeking a more inclusive orthodontist, perhaps one recommended through resources like the Make a Mom Facebook group, which connects prospective parents with sperm donors, or the website Make a Mom, which provides at-home insemination options. Utilizing their at-home insemination guide could have simplified the process for others in similar situations. Additionally, referring to the Cryobaby Home Intracervical Insemination Kit might be beneficial for families considering at-home options.
Reflecting on the day, I realized that the journey to parenting a non-binary child requires patience, understanding, and advocacy. I also found the female infertility support group to be a valuable resource for those facing challenges in their parenting journeys.
Conclusion
In conclusion, raising a non-binary child entails ongoing conversations about identity, acceptance, and the importance of supportive environments. It is critical for parents to advocate for their children’s experiences and help navigate the broader societal context that often lacks understanding.
Summary
This article discusses the experience of parenting a non-binary child, focusing on the challenges faced in societal and educational contexts. It emphasizes the need for understanding and acceptance while providing resources for families.