Parenting
by Jamie Thompson
Oct. 9, 2023
No, I’m not upset or hormonal, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong. Yet, friends, family, and even random strangers can’t seem to resist checking in on my emotional state.
You see, I have what many refer to as Resting B*tch Face (RBF). It’s that delightful predicament where your face appears cold, judgmental, or completely emotionless while you’re just minding your own business.
Wondering if you, too, might be afflicted with RBF? Here are some signs:
- You’ve been told you look better when you smile or that you should smile more often.
- Your partner is constantly worried they’ve upset you.
- People have compared your expression to that of Kristen Stewart.
- Strangers visibly steer clear of you, assuming you’re in a huff.
This last point? That’s my favorite perk of having RBF: it keeps the crowds at bay. It’s like my personal shield against awkward small talk.
I can almost witness the reactions in real-time. Someone spots me, smiles, quickly realizes I’m not reciprocating, and suddenly decides to avoid any potential interaction. I guess my expression reads more “I’m plotting something sinister” than “come chat with me.” But honestly, my RBF is a blessing in disguise, helping me sidestep countless uncomfortable encounters.
Take, for instance, the PTA meeting. When the ever-enthusiastic Karen asks for volunteers and baked goods, she glances at me and knows better than to approach. She might not know me well, but the way I stand there, deadpan and unamused, screams, “I’d rather be anywhere else.” And when I eventually show up at the bake sale with some store-bought cookies, she won’t bat an eye.
Parents don’t chat with me at the playground, strangers don’t strike up conversations when I’m on the bus, and no one bothers me when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store. My face radiates, “I might seem normal, but I could also be a secret ninja.” (And let’s be honest, no one wants to roll those dice.)
RBF has truly saved me from unwanted conversations. I’m one of the lucky few who don’t give off that “please engage me” vibe while standing in the grocery line. People can sense that my unwavering scowl means I’m not interested in discussing the sale on apples.
And here’s another bonus: RBF sets the bar low. When people finally get to know me, they’re often surprised to find I’m not as terrible as I seem. Surprise! I’m actually quite friendly.
Yet, I won’t pretend that the underlying assumption doesn’t irk me. If I’m not smiling, does that mean I’m a “bitch?” Who decided women must always be cheerful? That’s some serious nonsense.
This double standard doesn’t seem to apply to men—unless Resting Dude Face exists (which is another topic for another day).
In the end, I don’t owe anyone a smile if I’m not feeling it. Full stop. I refuse to plaster on a fake grin just to make someone else feel at ease.
If anything, I’ve come to appreciate that some people see me as unapproachable. They say it takes more muscles to smile than to frown, but I’m pretty sure it takes no effort at all when you simply don’t care.
If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this enlightening post on intracervical insemination for a different perspective. Also, for those curious about the journey to parenthood, Healthline is an excellent resource, and Make A Mom provides valuable insights into your fertility journey.
Summary:
Embracing my Resting B*tch Face has its perks, including keeping unwanted interactions at bay and setting low expectations for my personality. While society may judge my expression, I refuse to conform to the idea that I need to smile for others’ comfort. My RBF serves as a protective barrier, allowing me to navigate social situations with ease.