Parenting is no walk in the park, right? Despite the cheerful snapshots we share on social media, behind the scenes, many of us are grappling with various parenting challenges. For some, these struggles may be fleeting, but for others, they are an ongoing reality. When you’re the parent of a child with special needs, those challenges can feel even more intense.
My son’s unique needs keep my mind on high alert 24/7. There’s rarely a moment when I’m not consumed with thoughts about him or situations surrounding his care. Combine this with the usual frantic mom musings, and you get a whirlwind of worry that looks something like this:
- Is he safe?
- Does he feel understood?
- Did I remember to reschedule the dentist appointments?
- Is he behaving at school?
- I really need to quit stress-eating.
- Am I doing enough to advocate for him?
- Did I thaw anything for dinner?
- Where did I stash that paperwork?
- I need to delete some of these pictures from my phone.
- Should I ask for another meeting?
- What can I do to ensure my other kids feel loved too?
- Will he ever sleep in his own bed again?
- Wait, what day even is it?
- I hope nobody heard that word he just shouted in the grocery store!
These thoughts often collide in my mind like a tornado, all within a few minutes. After 13 years of this chaos, I’ve become accustomed to operating at a constant high-stress level. I usually manage, but sometimes I realize that this whirlwind of parenting a child with a disability is taking a toll on my mental health.
I’m exhausted, frustrated by the slow resolutions to various issues, and I consistently shove my own needs to the back of the line. My inbox overflows, I gain weight (because, let’s be honest, cupcakes are a lot more enjoyable than addressing my feelings), and relationships tend to drift away. Recognizing these consequences only adds to my stress, creating a frustrating cycle of “yuck.”
Moms, in general, often struggle to prioritize their own needs over their children’s. In the disability community, this tendency seems even more pronounced. There’s always something that demands our attention, so we just keep pushing through. Yet, I know I need a break, and I also recognize that I need support to make it happen. But the thought of adding that to my already packed to-do list feels overwhelming, so I just cope — with more cupcakes, of course. Clearly, that’s not a sustainable solution.
Eventually, I have to hit the pause button and focus on my own well-being to become the parent I aspire to be. I need to relearn how to breathe, unwind, and finish the books I start but never finish because something else always pulls me away. I must reconnect with the hobbies I loved before the monumental responsibility of raising a child with disabilities took over my life. Self-care is essential.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to post those happy family photos online, not to deceive anyone, but because they bring me a little joy on days when I can’t carve out time for myself. I’m a work in progress — just like everyone else.
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Summary
Navigating parenthood is a challenge in itself, but parenting a child with special needs can amplify those difficulties. The constant worry and stress can take a toll on mental health, often leading parents to neglect their own needs in favor of their child’s. It’s important to recognize this cycle and prioritize self-care, even if it means taking a break and rediscovering personal hobbies. Sharing joyful moments online can also provide a sense of relief and connection amidst the chaos.