I keep encountering this meme that suggests, “I’ll still be your friend if you voted for Trump, and I’ll still be your friend if you voted for Biden…” and it fills me with frustration. The reality is, these two choices are not equal. Joe Biden may not be flawless, but he is significantly better. Donald Trump represents a troubling mix of racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. If you still support him after everything that has happened in the past four years, I have to face the truth: I don’t want to be your friend. Supporting such a figure makes me question whether you genuinely care about me.
I know I have friends who voted for Trump in 2016 and possibly again this year. One of them is a longtime friend, and I can’t express how horrified I was to learn of their choice. From the onset, Trump has made his values clear. If someone I care about can endorse that, it leads me to doubt our friendship. The friend I knew who voted for him? We didn’t speak for three years. I struggled to reconcile the person I knew with someone who could make such a damaging choice. For some, that may not be a dealbreaker, but for me, it absolutely is.
As a Black, queer, and low-income woman, I understand that this administration seeks to undermine my rights. I cannot maintain a friendship with someone who even indirectly supports that agenda. Most of my friends are white, a product of growing up on Staten Island. I have often been seen as the “good” Black friend, articulate and educated, which unfortunately allows others to forget my racial identity. But having a degree doesn’t shield me from the realities faced by Black Americans. If law enforcement decides to stop me, my accomplishments won’t protect me; they only see my skin.
To my knowledge, none of my friends are overtly racist. However, just because they don’t make racist jokes around me doesn’t mean they don’t do so in my absence. I can’t assume they’re standing up against racism when they hear it from others. Many of my friends likely know Trump supporters, especially given Staten Island’s political leanings in 2016 and this year. It’s crucial to recognize that silence in the face of racism is complicity. Even if you don’t agree with a racist statement, failing to vocally oppose it makes you part of the problem.
Some individuals need a personal connection to motivate them to vote against Trump and his ideology. While I’m not comfortable being anyone’s token Black friend, I hope they consider me as they reflect on their reasons for voting. We should strive for a safer, better country for our loved ones. The reality is that the president embodies white supremacy; he has repeatedly refused to denounce it. During the debates, he told the Proud Boys—an infamous white supremacist group—to “stand down, and stand by.” This isn’t just political rhetoric; it’s a call for division. How can I remain friends with someone who supports such a stance?
Voting for Donald Trump on any issue means endorsing him on all fronts. He is one person who has the power to influence numerous policies. So, for those friends voting for lower taxes, you’re accepting your extra money at the cost of racial injustice. I carry an Arabic name, and I am left wondering about my safety should he target Muslims. And those who support his anti-abortion stance are also condoning his xenophobia.
Let’s not overlook his recent moves to pack the Supreme Court with conservative judges. This not only threatens Roe v. Wade but also jeopardizes marriage equality. I’ve known I was queer since my adolescence, and after publicly coming out in 2017, I’ve been in a loving relationship with a woman. We’re planning to marry next year, but there’s a fear that our legal rights may be stripped away. One friend acknowledged voting for Biden, while her husband chose Trump. When the day comes for our wedding, he won’t be on the guest list. You can’t celebrate my happiness while voting to take away my rights.
None of my friends realize the anxiety I’ve felt throughout this election. I see them posting pictures of themselves voting, and I can’t help but wonder, “Did they vote for Trump?” Their silence on their preferred candidates leaves me questioning everything. I want to trust that the people who claim to care for me won’t support actions that threaten my rights. Yet, the harsh truth is that many white individuals vote based on personal interests.
Four years ago, I might have been more forgiving toward friends who voted for Trump. Now? Absolutely not. If you understand the fears faced by marginalized communities and still choose to support that man, you’re not a friend to me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? You can leave.
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In summary, the choice of who to support politically is deeply personal and can significantly impact relationships. For some, the decision to stand by friends who support controversial figures can lead to reconsideration of those friendships. It’s essential to reflect on the implications of political choices, especially when they affect the rights and well-being of marginalized groups.