I’m Not Up for Your Wedding If It’s Going to Cost Me an Arm and a Leg

self insemination kit

I’m all about being there for my friends. Seriously, I’ve got your back. Need a last-minute babysitter? I’m your gal, armed with popsicles and juice boxes. Had a day from hell and want to drown your sorrows over a bottle of wine? I’ll bring two (and straws). I’ll fold laundry, whip up lasagnas when a new baby arrives, and even fend off your mother-in-law during the holidays. But there’s one thing I absolutely won’t do for my pals, no matter how much I adore them: I’m not participating in their ridiculously expensive weddings.

When I tied the knot nearly two decades ago, our wedding was all about simple elegance (read: budget-friendly). My dress? A clearance gem that set me back less than $300. We celebrated our bachelor and bachelorette parties at local beach bars on the same night and picked a honeymoon that was a quick car ride away. Our wedding took place at a local church, followed by a reception in a conference-style room where we enjoyed a cozy meal with our loved ones.

It was perfection. Even now, two decades later, I cherish those memories. It was just a bride, a groom, some vows, and the people we cared about. Easy peasy. No burlap, no mason jars, no horse barns—thankfully, hipster weddings hadn’t taken over yet. And you know what we didn’t have? A massive bill to pay off for the next decade. We certainly didn’t expect our bridesmaids and groomsmen to fork over a fortune just to stand next to us at the altar.

Recently, my friend Lisa laid out the expenses she was facing to be a part of her best friend’s wedding. As she rattled off the bride’s requests (or demands), I was shocked at how much she was shelling out for the privilege of standing beside someone who knows all her secrets. And don’t even get me started on her friend’s transformation into a total bridezilla the moment that engagement ring was slipped on. Seriously, what’s up with that, brides?

Listen, I get it—weddings are special. But I don’t have a spare fortune lying around for a custom gown that costs more than the down payment on my first home. And let’s cut the “you’ll totally wear it again” nonsense. We both know that bridesmaid dress is destined to collect dust in the back of my closet for years. And don’t even think about those destination bachelorette parties that require airfare and a week off work.

Brides, I’m all for a girls’ weekend, but asking me to fork out cash for a Caribbean getaway to celebrate your last fling before the ring? That’s a hard pass. Your bridesmaids would love to shower you with love at a local spa or treat you to dinner at your favorite hibachi spot, which is way less expensive than a flight to Vegas for an extravagant weekend of debauchery.

Now before you start calling me a bad friend, let me explain. When I hear about my friends getting married, I’m genuinely excited for them. I loved my wedding day and treasure those memories. But I just can’t get on board with the idea that bridesmaids need to take out loans to support their friends on their big day. From gowns that cost more than my first house to venues that make Buckingham Palace look like a shack, weddings have spiraled out of control.

Sure, people can go all out if they want, but expecting your bridal party to break the bank? That’s just rude. Maybe consider scaling back on those extravagant details? Your wedding is a celebration of love, and while it’s fun to feel like a princess for a day, don’t forget about the friends who are there to support you. They truly want the best for you, but expecting them to cough up for dresses, lavish weekends, and fancy showers is way over the top.

So, while I’m more than happy to cheer for you as you take your vows, wearing a bridesmaid gown? Not happening.

For more tips on navigating the wedding chaos, check out our piece on home insemination. For those on the path to parenthood, Make a Mom offers expert advice on boosting fertility. Plus, if you want to dive deeper into the world of pregnancy and home insemination, the Center at UCSF is an excellent resource.

In summary, while it’s wonderful to celebrate love, the expectations surrounding weddings have become extravagant and often unrealistic for those involved. Friends should support each other without breaking the bank.